Thinking

Lessons from a Bride

2011-05-04T20:58:00.001-04:00

So you’ve found someone you want to marry. Maybe you’re engaged, or maybe you’re not even talking about it but you’re smiling at each other and thinking about it. I got married six months ago, and I couldn’t be happier. I highly recommend marriage, generally. But there are some things you should know about getting married.

Now, I don’t expect you to believe most, or even any, of this right now, because you’re in love and you two are special and you’re going to do things differently; the right way. Listen: that’s what everyone thinks. Few people accomplish that. Fewer than you’d think, probably, because not many people are going to admit they planned on doing it differently, the right way, but didn’t succeed.

But that’s why you have me! I was going to have a no stress, totally laid back wedding. I was going to be the Ideal Bride-to-Be with no hang-ups on meaningless drivel. We were going to have a simple, inexpensive wedding that people would remember forever as a great time.

I think we succeeded in the last part - I’m told our wedding was a blast. I had a pretty good time myself, which I see as a success. But it turned out to be way more stressful getting to that day than I anticipated. And I’m going to tell you why I think that was. You won’t believe me, probably, or won’t take any of this to heart and that’s ok. I’m documenting my experience. Come back and tell me about yours so we can figure out exactly how to go about this getting married thing the Right Way.

1) the debt you think will be manageable isn’t really worth it.

We told ourselves, we’re saving money, we just need the cash now so put it on the card and we’ll pay it off later. We said, we just have to get through the next few months and then we’ll pay the whole thing off in full. We assured ourselves we have a strong financial situation overall, a little credit card debt isn’t going to kill us.

And that last part, I still think/tell myself, is true. But really, I wish we hadn’t racked up all that debt. I don’t wish that we hadn’t treated ourselves to nights out as often as we did, because we needed those for psychological well being. Instead, I wish that when it came down to making choices about our wedding, we’d drawn a firmer line across what we could and could not afford.

We even did a good job – our wedding cost about half what the average American wedding costs, and plenty of it was paid in cash. But the fact is we spent so much of our cash on the wedding, we needed credit to afford the fun stuff we needed to do to relax.

2) Some fights aren’t yours to fight.

This one could really be one of the things I’ve learned so far from being married. But its both. The fact is, nothing, not even your wedding, is all about you. It’s all about lots of complicated people and things and, when it has nothing to do with you, you need to recognize that and leave it alone.

There is a difference, however, between leaving something alone and ignoring it. By all means, address it. But in limited terms. Offer your support and understanding, for example, but don’t hoist your own battle flag.

3) You always feel better in the long run when you keep your cool than when you flip your shit.

In the same vein, keep this in mind when planning your wedding: you and everyone you love are about to immerse themselves in this venture, but the stress of doing so has nothing to do with picking colors or food or dresses, like you’d think it would. Everyone who plays a part in a wedding comes to the table with baggage that has nothing to do with you or your husband to be. The day isn’t just about the two of you, it’s about all the baggage your two groups of friends and families have about you, and the institution of marriage, and their own lives.

You goal, really, is to find a way to get all that baggage sorted and put away as neatly as possible so you can get through the motions that say you’re married. Because remember, if it has nothing to do with you, it’s not your fight to fight. You’re just trying to throw a fun party. Hanging up on people, yelling, and giving your friends and family the cold shoulder sound satisfying, but they won’t help you reach your ultimate goal.

Besides, after all of this you go on your honeymoon, where it really is all about the two of you. That vacation has more to do with what marriage really means than any other part of the whole process.

The future will be pretty much the same as the now

2010-11-29T15:23:00.003-05:00

If there is one thing I've learned from my favorite subject, history, it's that things are basically the same as they always were. Of course, our lives are very very different from the lives of our ancestors all around the world, and there is a lot that differentiates me from people raised in other cultures. But we're all basically the same: just getting through the day, doing the work that needs to be done to put food on the table and a roof over our heads, loving and fighting and procreating.

I don't think that's depressing, I think its comforting. I've talked before how its nice to know that there isn't anything all that special or different about me and my situation - the same stories have played themselves out all around the world over and over again.

And now I'm going to bring this huge concept down to a practical level because there is something that all of the educators I interview for a magazine I write for say that drives me a little crazy.

They say that they are training students for jobs that they can't even imagine; that they have no idea what the future will look like when their students graduate and head into the workforce.

On a simple level this is true. We didn't use to need wind farm technicians or need as many computer engineers, computer scientists, and software developers. But those jobs still require basic skills that kids need to learn.

They will need to know how to communicate effectively, and honestly, both in print and speaking outloud.

They will need know how to place nice with others and work effectively on a team. Everyone needs to know how to stand up for themselves, defend the vulnerable, and work toward the common good as well as for their own fulfillment and gain.

CW will attest to my belief that everyone needs to be able to think critically.

They will need to be flexible and constantly thirsty for knowledge if we want them to adapt to changing job markets and not be hobbled as the economy changes.

And perhaps most importantly, they will to be open to new ideas and eager to try new things - if we cant prepare them for what's ahead, we can prepare them to deal with whatever they run into.

These are what people will need to succeed in the knowledge-based, service oriented economy we will have in the future.

Blogs that inject glamour into my day

2010-11-29T09:14:00.003-05:00

Some of you may have heard about my quest to be more grown up. This is the worst kind of goal: unclear and totally unquantifiable. For me, it has something to do with dressing up for work, wearing make up, doing my hair in something other than a messy bun, and cooking more often. Because I don’t have any specific metrics for this goal, it’s unfair to beat myself up for not reaching them, though I must say I’ve been lacking in basically all categories. Except maybe for the dressing up for work part, since AS gave me her old purse and picked out some new shoes for me to wear, both of which have generally classed up my look.

The point of all this is to say that another way I feel more grown up is by diversifying the blogs that I follow.

First is style rookie, which can make me feel like a total slouch since it the author is a highly respected voice in the fashion industry right now, is totally down to earth and funky (as well as I can tell from reading her blog) and she’s in high school. Yeah, how can you be THIS pulled together and confident in high school?? Reading her blog, seeing her styles, you can’t help but be curious and interested in the world of high fashion – especially in how she talks about her outfits creating mood and a feeling. Basically, she’s awesome.

Second is my newest addition to my google reader: Cupcakes and Cashmere. I don’t particularly like either of those things, but guys: this blog is awesome. She is so glamorous, living in California, wearing funky clothes, putting on smoky eye makeup like a pro (she has a tutorial, you guys, and it made me, who basically sticks to light brown eyeshadow and mascara, want to try it. I have no idea what liquid eyeliner even is.) The cool thing about the blog is that she talks about decorating her house, the clothes she’s wearing, the food she’s making, and the places she’s visiting. Guys, that’s what I want to write about!

Anyway, reading these two today really injected some much needed style and class into my morning, and I hope they do the same for you.

Learning is more important than a neatly constructed career

2010-11-22T17:12:00.003-05:00

It's very difficult to figure out what you want to do with your life. People, including me, say "I have so many interests that I can’t narrow them down", but that is a cop out. Probably the honest answer is that we're afraid to figure out what we want in our lives.

I picked writing early on in life. I wanted to be an author or some kind of journalist; to have my own column maybe. I’ve realized, however, that these are intensely competitive jobs that I don’t want to devote that much time and energy to. Which makes me think I’m just not a passionate person.

But then I think I’m just not passionate about that particular career. I could be passionate about something else. That means it’s something different than what I always thought.

I picked marketing next, specifically web marketing and social media – new cool stuff that is interesting and exciting and always changing. My dad is a salesman and I was always told I could do just what he does fabulously. An easy choice.

But then I realized marketers’ goals is to sell people stuff that they don’t necessarily need. I don’t want to be partially responsible for cluttering people’s minds and homes. And after a while, reading about the latest technology that will interrupt you on your phone got boring to me too. I don’t want to invade people’s privacy, I want to make the organizations in power more accountable to the people.

Which leads me to think right now that what I really want is to go into politics – which is another something that I always kind of wanted to do. I wanted to be the Secretary of State, that’s why I majored in international studies. There is a lot about politics that terrifies me, but, the further away I get from the stress of the wedding, the more I think it’s dumb that it terrifies me. That I could handle Politics just fine. Look at all the idiots who are doing it right now.

But it makes me scared to commit to politics or education or both because I don’t see a track that I could follow. It’s also scary because I’ve always thought about getting into politics or education, so what makes them any different than writing? What makes me think I could succeed or enjoy or be passionate about them?

The fact is you don't know until you try. It doesn’t matter if there’s a track laid out. I committed to writing and that didn’t work. I can always keep writing, and I can always come back to it. I should try web marketing just for kicks and see if that’s more fun than it looks.

What terrifies me the most is waking up 20 years from now and not know what happened to my life. Does that happen to everyone? Can we avoid it? I feel like telling myself to look for small ways to help is a cop out. That I can do better than that. Is that because I’m part of Gen Y, and we were told from birth we could be the president, so anything less feels unsatisfactory?

But you can only see a common thread through someone’s career in retrospect, unless they knew what they wanted to do from the very beginning. Which is a pretty boring way to go through life, in my opinion. It's more interesting and fulfilling to try new things, always do your best, and keep learning all along no matter what.

When to stop writing lists

2010-11-18T16:44:00.001-05:00

I read something the other day about a blogger being frustrated that no one gave him/her a map of what to do when you're a grownup. The blogger said added a parenthetical: (like all Gen Yers) and that resonated with me so much.

I was complaining to myself today at lunch about why no one tells me things relevant to social situations I find myself in. Like how to behave one someone does this. Or what it means when someone says this. Or what people do in this situation.

Sometimes, I think I have Asperger's or some Autism-spectrum issue because I so often feel like I'm barely keeping up with what's going on around me. This makes me feel like a loser who can't get her life together and makes way too many mistakes to ever be successful.

I've read a fair amount on Asperger's and Autism out of general interest, but my personal diagnosis comes from two places:

- that my mom has said she thinks my dad has Asperger's and there's a hereditary element to it, and
- what I read from Penelope Trunk's blog.

Not very good sources, admittedly.

Penelope has Asperger's and talks a lot about developing, testing, and following rules for social encounters. She talks a lot about many other things she does to cope with this disease that aren't relevant to me, but that always sticks. All the time, I want to write down all the different rules that exist for me to follow in a given day so I remember it all and have it all pulled together.

But then I think about what that blogger said and wonder if plenty of Gen Yers have this same issue: a hard time navigating the world. Just about my entire life was mapped our and prescribed to me in syllabis, course catalogs, and progress reports. I was a Girl Scout, where you completed a list of specific steps and got a badge. I played tennis, where you showed up at certain times, did certain things, and had a specific rank on the team which dictated which matches you played.

Today, I write list after list after list of things I own, things I need, tasks to accomplish, food to buy, nutrients to consume every day, exercises to preform. I fantasize about creating a giant master list with all the steps I need to take and all the rules I need to follow in a day so I can have one day that's totally pulled together and I'm completely in control and getting everything done smoothly, gracefully, and efficiently.

But it's not lists that are the solution. Even if I mapped out tomorrow down to the minute, all I would do is react the same way I used to react to a semester's worth of reading assignments: do a little bit as I go, wait to the last minute and then do it all at once.

And maybe (probably) this isn't a problem unique to Gen Y. Older generations often had just as, or even more, prescribed lives than we did. Maybe Gen Y's uniqueness comes from how hyper-aware and well trained in the art of reflection we are.

So what is the solution?

Maybe it's accepting that everyone goes through their days feeling a little bit out of control, not accomplishing everything that they want and making mistakes, and that is simply the way people live and it's ok.

Maybe it's also understanding that what I interpret as people having everything pulled together is really people doing a good job behaving gracefully even when they feel that little bit lost that everyone feels.

If I can't control every minute of my life with lists, at least I can control how I act, react, and behave as I muddle through. More specific instructions and guidelines aren't the answer - letting going, to a certain degree, of intense and continuous assessment of every task I'm working on is probably closer to the answer.

Don't be angry and other lessons

2010-11-11T10:54:00.001-05:00

I've learned a few things already today. Well, I suppose I've been learning them as I go, but I put them into coherent thoughts today.

1) It's much much easier to take care of myself and my house when CW is gone for 24 hours. Any more than that, and I'm lonely and miss him. But that amount of time is just enough for me to be busy doing things like cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry.

AG told me we're in the honeymoon phase, where, when we're together, it's a great big party. I feel like we've been in that phase since I moved into CW's apartment with MC the Sailor (and MC the Artist): lots of pizza and beer, staying up too late, not taking care of things on a regular basis like dishes. Party time. She said that goes away eventually and to enjoy it. But it's kind of nice to not party all the time and get shit done. I suppose its a testament to how big a fan of CW I am that I can't tear myself away?

Don't tell him that, it'll go to his head.

2) I should have spent less time in college worrying about getting laid, getting drunk, and getting along with friends/being cool and wallowed in my own wonderful nerdiness. I got to spend four years doing nothing but reading, writing and learning, but instead of enjoying that process, it stressed me out so I, ahem, partied.

Is there a theme here?

I have a rule about regrets: don't have them. I don't want to regret how I spent my college years - I made those choices and I had a pretty awesome time. MC the Artist can attest. Instead, I'll blame Society - 18 is way too fucking young to go to college, ok guys? I'm a pretty hard core nerd, and pretty self-sufficient and hardworking, but I was too young to focus on learning or know what the hell I was doing.

3) I need to apply my philosophy about regrets to being angry. Being angry, often, is a waste of time and energy and ruins my day. Sometimes its ok to be angry, like when my government tramples on my rights as an individual or other governments treat people poorly, unfairly, or kill them. Etc.

But you know what? It's really really not worth it to get as mad as I do about other things. Like people I work with, or bad drivers, or trash that needs to be taken out. No big deal man, let it go.

Meditation might be the answer here - take five minutes every day at lunch to sit still and relax.

It also helps when I wake up early and give myself time in the morning. I'm in a much better mood after drinking a cup of tea and catching up on Twitter than rolling out of bed and running out the door.

So CW, we really need to cut back on morning snuggle time. Maybe the take-out pizza too, to reduce the pug. But probably not the beer, ok? I still have some party left in me.

7 ways to do better work when your job sucks

2010-10-28T10:51:00.001-04:00

Its all about your frame of mind. Think whatever you need to think to do the bullshit tasks that you’re expected to do. If you need to get mad, convince yourself you’re the underdog and you’ll show them by doing a fantastic job, do that. If you need to force a smile and whistle while you work when, in truth, you can feel your soul dying inside, do that. The power of positive thinking my friend: fake it till you make it, or come up with whatever frame of mind you need to do the next steps.
Write down exactly what you’re expected to do in your job. I, for example, have three main areas of responsibility, each with specific tasks associated with them. You don’t like writing stuff down, making lists etc? Tough cookies. Do it so you can look at it. It’ll help, I promise.
Break down those areas of responsibilities and tasks even further to daily routines. What do you have to do first thing every morning? What needs to happen every week, or at the end of every month, in order for you not to get fired?
Now that you know just what needs to be done, you can estimate how long each task will take. I guarantee you its less than the 8 hours you’ll be sitting at your desk today. This is good news.
Look for other shit laying around that needs to be taken care of, and take care of it in your extra time. Filing stuff, cleaning stuff, replacing stuff, organizing stuff. You think it’s beneath you? Dude, you have a terrible job. What else could be beneath you? Just do it. Someone will appreciate it, and you’ll always look busy.
Then you have maybe a little extra time. I use that to write shit like these blog posts, or make up stories, or read interesting news stuff about zombies and aliens. Mostly to think. It’s nice to have my brain stimulated once in a while, and it feels like I’m actually creating something that a divine human being like myself should be doing, instead of the tedious, repetitive stuff I do otherwise that a lower ape could handle.
And look at that, you’re filing all your responsibilities, doing a little extra that makes your stupid supervisors happy, and you have a little time to yourself from 430 to 530 maybe to think about your big plans and goals and dreams.

And you’re not going to get anywhere if you aren’t dreaming.

What to do when you feel crappy about your job

2010-10-28T09:55:00.002-04:00

So your boss is an idiot, you aren’t doing tasks anywhere close to your potential, and your self-esteem, and self-respect, is pretty low accordingly. Welcome to life as a graduate in 2010, when your entry-level job has no opportunities for learning and professional development.

You can numb yourself with alcohol, carbohydrates, sugar and TV and bitch about the economy, sure. But that’ll result in a big belly, big thighs, and even less progress.

So what do you do when you feel crappy about your job?

You remember it’s just a job. It’s not your life and it doesn’t define you.

Then you think about what does define you or what you want to define you. Then spend the 7 or 8 hours of the day when you’re not at work or sleeping doing that. Writing, acting, dancing, exercising, fixing things, painting things, caring for people or things.

Ok, so now you’re working out after work to get rid of all that frustration. You’ve started the next great American novel with 30 minutes of furious writing every day at lunch. You volunteer once a week at an animal shelter. But your job still sucks and you still lie in bed at 5am dreading the alarm and having to drag yourself out of bed every morning.

Then get a new job.

I’m not kidding, you can do it. You think if you want just a few more months you’ll be in a better position to do something – whatever. That’s an excuse.

You think because you’re not shining like a rockstar at your current job, no one else wants you and, in fact, you don’t deserve anything else. That’s bullshit. First of all, you can always do better at your current job, which will make you feel better; we’ll address those strategies soon. But second of all, negative environments have a negative effect on people. Look for a new job with a positive environment that will allow you to shine.

Start looking for a new job now while you have a job. You’re not desperate; you could stick it out where you are. And when you go for a job interview, remember: you’re interviewing them as much as they are interviewing you – ask questions and try to find a place where you can grow and shine.

So all the people out there with craptastic jobs, quit the bullshit and take heart! We're all in this together and there's a way out!

Role Models

2010-10-25T16:21:00.005-04:00

It's funny that this popped up on Salon today after I chatted with AG about how much we hate Mel Gibson. And, after reading it, I thought a few interesting thoughts.

Is it ok to hate someone I don't know at all? I judge people based on their actions and overall behavior, and his is atrocious, but am I in a better position than Jodie Foster, who knows him, presumably, to judge him? Really, no one should hate anyone, we should be at peace with our fellow man and forgiving etc etc. I suppose instead of hating Mel, I should say I disagree with him and think he's an bigot and an idiot, but I can't judge him as a human being. Can you be a good human being if you have such hateful opinions and, in general, behave hatefully?

(I have to remember this next time Jenny McCarthy and her anti-vaccination, autism-cure talk gets me fired up. I don't HATE her, just think she's nuts.)

Is it ok to not like, or not see/consume, someone's movies or other artistic products because of their views or behavior? Roman Polanski is a pedophile, so he should be in jail (or electrocuted), but that doesn't mean his movies are crap. Mel's been arrested for drunk driving, he should be in jail too but that doesn't mean his movies are crap either (though, in my personal opinion, they are pretty crappy).
And then, should we neglect Jodie Foster, dismiss her as a role model, because of her personal views? I mean sure, most of her best work is behind her thus far, but she's a famous, powerful, generally good person who's a woman and a lesbian in an industry where being power and being a woman, much less gay, is rare. Plus, she has the right to be friend's with Mel. I might not want to be, but maybe that just means I shouldn't be friends with Jodie either. I can just watch Silence of the Lambs or Flightplan and enjoy them without bringing the extra stuff into it.

Low-T

2010-10-18T09:16:00.001-04:00

Sounds close to Ice-T, but so far from as awesome as him.

I saw an ad the other day asking the men in the audience if they’ve stopped feeling like themselves and suggesting that they might have Low T and that they should ask their doctor about some prescription drug.

Just more proof that men are attacked just as often as women by advertising telling them something is wrong with them and they need to spend money on X, Y, or Z to fix it. I hate it.

Check out this post from Better Health (my favorite medical blog) about Low-T.

Feeling good on a Monday

2010-10-18T09:13:00.001-04:00

Guys, big news: I’ve brushed my teeth 10 out of the last 11 nights! Whoohoo! My mouth feels cleaner already. I even ATE BREAKFAST and then BRUSHED MY TEETH this morning too. Holy crap. I’ll be flossing like a madwoman in no time.

More good news this morning: I took a not-quite-30-minute walk with Maddie, as I so proudly tweeted (stretching the time slightly in my pride) and BQ so proudly replied. She and AS have contributed greatly to my desire to be healthier, what with all their Avon Breast Cancer walking and infectious excitement about cooking things – like apples and pork (fruit and meat? Whaaaat?) – that make we want to be all grown up and chop and sauté and bake rather than defrost and re-heat. So kudos to them!

In fact, I’m beginning to change my opinion of the gym. I’ve always been one of those millions who purchase a membership, go a few times over the course of the first couple weeks, then trail off and give up, paying the exorbitant cost to get rid of the membership or just forking over a ridiculous amount every month for the privilege of having a membership card on my keychain. But it’s kind of like going without TV: sure, I can exercise at home, but I don’t do that either. It takes the same amount of discipline and willpower (that I don’t have) to do that too. Maybe more, since my couch is SO CLOSE. And since Maddie thinks I’m playing with her when I’m doing squats and likes to jump up and lick my face.

So maybe it’s time to revist the gym membership. And maybe I’ll nut up and get the full fledged BAC membership instead of just the express one, so I can really be brave and work out with BQ, AS, and RV.

But let’s not get carried away. Still working on brushing my teeth here.

My maturation as a sports fan

2010-10-17T09:11:00.000-04:00

I surprised myself this weekend by caring about the Yankees-Rangers game. I was actually excited to follow the Rangers efforts against the Empire. Maybe I’m just experiencing what every Red Sox fan does at some point in their lives: hatred of the Yankees. But I’m also interested in the careers of hockey players that aren’t on the Bruins, and, guys, I’ve sat through almost two full Patriot’s games this year already. I even kind of want to watch SportsCenter on a regular basis.

WTF?

I just had to make a Sports label for my blog now.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

2010-10-14T10:06:00.002-04:00

CW and I got cable back. Nope, we didn't even make it a whole year. Yup, hundreds of channels and thousands of commercials now flood into our home every day.

We were sitting on the couch one night this week, basking in the glory of the most passive of entertainment, and suddenly I snapped.

“What the fuck is up with all these commercials?!?”

“We were used to just two per break on Hulu, and short ones,” CW replied in his typical calm fashion.

“Well what the fuck?? Do you have any idea how many hours of marketing we’ve just consumed? How many millions of dollars were invested in those hours to try to manipulate our brains in the most cost effective way to get us to buy shit we don’t need or that’s going to rot our innards??”

“Shh, 1000 Ways To Die is back on.”

That’s basically how the conversation went.

There are days when I envision my future thusly: I’m a manager or mid-level type person in a marketing department or at a hip marketing firm in Boston, tracking web analytics for our various campaigns, pushing reports up to my bosses, talking to designers about what’s new, managing underlings doing data entry and teaching them about the magic of marketing.

Of course, I’d probably be making good money doing that. And, ideally, I’d find a marketing job for products that are awesome, helpful, and improving society and the world. But really, how many of those products are there? More likely, I’d wind up helping some evil corporation sell worthless shit to dumbasses.

That’s not a very happy dream.

I think I’d be pretty good at that sort of job, but over the last few months, that vision of the future has popped into my head less and less often. Instead, I want to tell people that stuff and shopping wont make them happy, and neither will TV or cruising the internet vacantly. That’s the opposite of marketing.

I’m sick of the jargony, pretentious, oh-so-happy marketing and social media stuff I have flowing into my Google reader every day. Yeah, technology is cool, but only in so much that it makes people’s lives better. Not in how much money it gets people to spend.

What to do when you’re not ok

2010-10-11T09:00:00.005-04:00

This is not professional or clinical advice, this is just me talking about what I’ve decided to do now that I’ve admitted to myself and CW that I am not ok. And now that I've admitted it to you.

It’s a hard thing to do. Even when things are really bad, I tell myself I’m ok, or at least everything will be ok. I’m the rock, that’s what I do. I think that’s what most people do. But after a while, I couldn’t even fool myself. I’d let so much slip over the last two years that I was barely functioning on a civilized level. Not difficult stuff, people, we’re talking basic necessities: eating and sleeping and hygiene.

CW and I have accomplished the goal we set out to achieve two years ago. It was a long and difficult road that shook me up badly, but now that the mission is accomplished, I can take a step back and say

“I’m not ok. I need to make myself ok now.”

That means every morning:

taking Maddie for a long walk,
eating something healthy for breakfast,
brushing my teeth, and
looking decently professional for work.

It means focusing on work while I’m at work.

It also means eating something marginally healthy for lunch every day.

And it means getting some exercise in the evening, having a healthy dinner, having a conversation with my husband, and brushing my teeth again before going to bed at a decent hour.

Just writing all of that down makes me a little nervous. These are ambitious steps for me right now.

Especially brushing my teeth – for some reason, when I’m angry or sad, I can’t bring myself to go in the bathroom and take the two minutes to clean my teeth after they’ve worked so hard all day. I’ll pee right before going to bed, hop under the covers, and groan because I didn’t brush them, but feel that it is completely impossible to go back into the bathroom now. It’s too late at that point. Tomorrow morning, I promise myself. But of course I don’t brush them then either. I probably have a dozen cavities after two years of sporadic brushing.

So after admitting that I am not ok right now, I’ve decided to brush my teeth twice a day. Maybe after a few weeks of that, I’ll add flossing at night (something I’ve never been able to do regularly my entire life). Maybe by 2011 I’ll become a model of dental hygiene that my formal self won’t even recognize, bringing a toothbrush to work to brush after lunch or some such nonsense.

The good news is for a Monday morning, and a holiday on which I'm working, I'm surprisingly optimistic. Cavities, watch out.

It's ok to be alone

2010-08-12T09:43:00.003-04:00

For my whole life, I'm not sure that I've ever been alone as much as I have this week.

Technically, I'm not really at all. I'm "with" CW, even though he's not here right now. I'm living in OUR apartment, and he'll be home on Saturday.

But it feels like I'm alone. I have to do everything for myself, like buy new filters for the Brita pitcher, unclog the toilet, clean the floors, plan the meals, make plans. It's weird to not have someone else I can call or text to ask "hey pick this up" or "bring this upstairs".

When I was a kid, there were 3 or 4 or 5 other kids running around my house. Plus my mom and dad. And then I was in school surrounded by people. Then I went to college and had basically no privacy. Then I lived at home again, then I lived with CW and MC (and the other MC for most of the time), and now I live with Chris.

Every once in a while, I'll have a few hours or an afternoon or even a whole night to myself, but during this past week, I've woken up, eaten most of my meals, and gone to bed alone.

I have been hyper aware and very careful to make as many plans as possible this week so I wouldn't be alone for any real length of time. I was afraid of being with just myself, at least I was for the first few days. Last Thursday night I consoled myself with disgusting pizza. I ran away for the weekend to Maine to be with my family. I cried on Sunday night after I hung up the phone with CW - that was the last I expected to talk to him until Friday or Saturday. (For almost 6 years, I've always been able to call him, no matter the time of day or where he was in the world; maybe there was a day or two at a time when we coudn't touch base, but never 10 whole days. In fact, I don't think I've been unable to reach someone I loved for that long in my whole life.) Monday I worked until 10pm, and Tuesday I went out to dinner and went shopping.

But then Wednesday, I woke up so happy. It was a beautiful day, I was so comfortable, I had a delicious breakfast. And even though I had plans with AG later in the evening, I didn't feel the need to schedule every minute to keep busy until I'd be with someone again. I puttered around the house cleaning up. I had a cocktail and read a book. It was ok.

This morning, I watched this video, which both put into perspective how very not alone I actually am, and made me happy that I was enjoying, to a certain extent, having the apartment to myself. In fact, I thought to myself, I ought to be alone more often.

Sometimes I spend too much time in my head, and I need CW, or someone else, to snap me out of it. But maybe if i let myself get lost in my own head more often, I'd be better at finding my way back out of it.

Confusion about Verizon and Net Neutality

2010-08-11T10:23:00.006-04:00

Actually, I'm more confused about Google. Actually, I don't understand the whole thing. All I heard was that Verizon and Google proposed a payscale for the Internet, so people who pay more get their stuff pushed to the front and those who don't pay won't get found the same way they can be found now.

Which sounds like a terrible idea to me. So why is Google, my champion of Goodness on the Internet, signing on with this?

So what do I do? I google more information. Naturally.

This is where I found good explanation of exactly what Google and Verizon are proposing. Basically, it doesn't sound that bad. But none of the restrictions they are proposing apply to wireless? Which is, experts say, is going to become how we all access the Internet?

This source explains:

It seems that the prevailing logic is that there's simply not enough spectrum for this idyllic "play fair" scenario to truly work, so fewer restrictions would be necessary for the wireless internet space to blossom as the wireless side already has. Moreover, we get the impression that these guys feel the wireless space as a whole is simply too competitive right now to withstand any red tape.

I'm not convinced. A significant (and we're assuming growing) percentag of Verizon's business is in wireless, but they won't have to submit to any of these regulations?

And this is where I learned just how sneaky they are being.

Google...after all these years...why?

This article , on the other hand, says Google and Verizon have the right idea, saying they are only advocating "bandwidth shaping that is vendor-neutral but traffic-specific", which is important:

All of us involved in running networks pay attention to the types of traffic flying about on our lines. We wouldn’t be very good network admins if we didn’t ensure that traffic that needs to get through fast gets through fast and traffic that can tolerate some latency tolerates a bit of latency when it needs to.

But he goes on to say that his mom's Skype call should take precedence over her neighbor's porn downloading. That doesn't sound vendor neutral to me. He argues that we have to do something to prevent the giant traffic jams coming our way since the Internet is growing so fast. How about just developing more efficient ways to deliver more bandwidth, instead of rationing an arbitrarily small amount? I don't have the technical knowledge, but I'll definitely be finding out.

Facebook, of all things, is criticizing this in the interest of openness and fairness. Really, Zuck? But more importantly, really Google? Facebook is in a position to criticize you for this?

I hope this gave you guys a little bit more clarity on the issue; it helped me understand it better. I'll be following this though, so check back for updates!

Getting sleep and reaching goals

2010-08-10T16:40:00.002-04:00

There is a pretty cool thing going on called the 30-Day Personal Revoltion Lifestyle Challenge. I was reading about it, checking out peoples' "bucket lists" for the upcoming month, following the Twitter conversation, and getting kind of excited. I could totally do this: publicize my efforts for the next month to accomplish all the goals I keep setting for myself but never complete.

For those who are new:

exercising every day
taking my dog Maddie on a long walk every day
eating three healthy meals each day
and flossing.

But then, after I made this list, I realized. The last thing I need to accomplish my goals is another list. I write lists like there's no tomorrow, people, ok? And I've tried the getting-the-public-to-hold me accountable thing. Frankly, that's not your responsibility. Who wants to do that?

Then I was reading Peneleope Trunk again, just re-reading archived posts because I like reminding myself of the little nuggets of wisdom she has that resonate so much with me, and stumbled across one about sleep. And how you don't necessarily need 8 hours, but they reccomend 6 or 7, and if you don't get enough, that grogginess you feel is the equivalent of yu after four beers.

(All of that is linked to in her post, I just can't find t now. Besides, I think you should go poke around on her site anyway.)

And I thought: what if I just stopped trying to make myself get up after 6 hours of sleep and exercise? When I get 7 hours, I don't need to drag myself out of bed.

It's important when you set goals to also set yourself up to succeed, not undermind yourself. How often have we heard or read that? But there I was basically doing that.

I keep saying 'I exercise more reliably when I do it in the morning.' And although whenever I do work out in the morning, I feel great, I DON'T ACTUALLY DO IT. EVER. So what the hell am I talking about??

Penelope also had a post about how, when you insert self-discipline into one small area of your life, it creeps into others on its own. I've already decided the real goal I need to have is to be more disciplined, and now I have the perfect way: just get 7 whole hours of sleep every night.

That means going to sleep by 1130pm and getting up when my alarm goes off at 630am. Then going on a 30-minute walk with Maddie, eating a healthy breakfast, taking a shower and going to work.

(Is there something wrong with me that I need to spell that out for myself?)

I can always exercise in the afternoon when I get home when I'm alert and have energy And 30 minute walk in the morning is both not challenging and exercise, to an extent.

Awesome: the key to reaching my goals is more sleep!

2010-08-06T16:17:00.006-04:00

I just read a really fascinating article from The Atlantic published June 2009 about the Harvard Grant study, which “followed 268 men who entered college in the late 1930s through war, career, marriage and divorce, parenthood and grandparenthood, and old age” to try and answer the question: “is there a formula—some mix of love, work, and psychological adaptation—for a good life?”

It depends on how one defines a good life. If there is one single thing you aim and strive for in life, be it money, fame, children, whatever, then you're missing out on the MIX part, the balance that I think is necessary to be happy.

If the definition of a successfully life is a long one which, at the end of it, one feels generally happy and feels generally well, then here’s what you have to do:

Use mature adaptations (more on that below),
Get educated,
Maintain a stable marriage,
Not smoke,
Not abuse alcohol,
Get some exercise,
Maintain a healthy weight,
And maintain good relationships, especially with your siblings.

Note the importance of the verb maintain there. I didn't do that on purpose, that's just how these things have to be written if you want to make them an actionable command. These are things that you have to work at over time - your whole life in fact.

The funny thing about the article is, after so many years of tests and surveys and research, the results are very simple and straightforward. I suppose it's the putting them into practice that is the hard part. When asked what the secret to a good life is, psychiatrist George Vaillant, who has been the chief curator of this study for 42 years, essentially said two things:

“That the only thing that really matters in life are your relationships to other people.”

and

“What we do, [as in our work] affects how we feel just as much as how we feel affects what we do.”

For me, that means people, to be live a long, happy, healthy life, need a purpose: work that keeps them busy and means something, contributes to the larger world in a positive way and good relationships with other people.

The article explained adaptations as defenses against emotional challenges we face, large and small, every day. There are four levels:

Psychotic: “like paranoia, hallucination, or megalomania, which, while they can serve to make reality tolerable for the person employing them, seem crazy to anyone else.”
Immature: “acting out, passive aggression, hypochondria, projection, and fantasy. These aren’t as isolating as psychotic adaptations, but they impede intimacy.”
Neurotic: which “are common in “normal” people. These include intellectualization (mutating the primal stuff of life into objects of formal thought); dissociation (intense, often brief, removal from one’s feelings); and repression."
And mature: altruism, humor, anticipation (looking ahead and planning for future discomfort), suppression (a conscious decision to postpone attention to an impulse or conflict, to be addressed in good time), and sublimation (finding outlets for feelings, like putting aggression into sport, or lust into courtship).”

It seems like all the people who drive me nuts, that I very much dislike, and can't stand generally, exhibit immature adaptations. Isn't that comforting?

I didn't understand the intellectualization adaptation, which is why I looked it and most of the others up and linked to their Wikipedia articles. I think I didn't fully understand it because I use it. I don't feel to bad though, because Bones uses it to a much greater extreme than I do.

Maybe because I'm a virgo, but I had a lot of fun looking to see where I fit into all of this.

I have pretty good relationships with my family, and I have good friends who are important to me and I think I'm important to them.

I'm well educated, I think, and plan to be more so.

I don't exercise enough and I probably drink too much. That doesn't bother me at the moment, but I'm beginning to think I ought to pay more attention now, in my young-and-healthy-20s. So that's something I know I need to work on.

I'm getting married in September and I couldn't be happier about it, so I although I know we need to work at maintaining our relationship for the long haul, I'm optimistic.

And as for adaptations, I think I use humor, anticipation, and supression effectively, but opt for projection and intellectualization than altruism or sublimination. But it was also comforting that the study showed, over time, nearly all the subjects gradually adopted "mature" adaptations and shed the lower ones.

This led me to think: what about when I KNOW I'm acting out, being passive aggressive, and projecting as a reaction to some emotional unpleasentness, and that there's a better reaction, but react that way anyway? Is that just immaturity that will go away with time; just me being 23 and taking advantage of the opportunity to sort of get away with it? Or is it truly immature behavior that I need to work on? Honestly, sometimes its more satisfying to slam a door or whine or blame the weather than take responsibility for myself, even when I know its wrong, if only for a little while. I suppose it is for everyone.

Maybe, being an "adult" in Gen Y is about striving for the always doing the right thing, but, unlike other generations, being ok when you don't make it. As long as you're honest about the process.

New Project

2010-08-06T11:37:00.003-04:00

I aim to educate myself about education in the US to form a more accurate assessment of what, if anything, is exactly wrong with American education and how to educate Americans better. I have a lot of opinions about this, but no formal training or knowledge, so I've devised a process to gain that. Ultimately, I want to be in a position to bring about change and improvement in American education,

It needs work I know, but that's the gist. My purpose going forward. Basically: I want to be a teacher and think I'd be a good teacher, but also think that the way teachers are trained today is pretty bogus and that the education system itself is severely flawed. I understand, however, that there is much I don't know about the whole thing, so I've come up with a way to learn.

This is my process:

Find resources,
read them,
also read critiques or praise of those sources,
at the same time, keep up with current events by following a wide variety of education blogs etc.,
and then form opinions, brainstorm solutions, share them, and generally add to the discussion.

I haven't decided if I'll just updated this blog as I go along, start a new blog solely devoted to my progress, or a combination of both. What few, cherished, readers I have here might not be interested in this sort of thing, hence the idea of starting something new to catalog everything.

I guess we'll just see how it goes!

We Ditched the TV and Rely on the Web for Entertainment

2010-07-20T11:00:00.005-04:00

...in April. You might remember. It's been three months, and here's our update.

So far, so good. We barely notice that we don't have TV except for all the Red Sox games we've missed. Well, maybe I'll speak for myself and let CW speak for himself.

I haven't, unfortunately, dramatically cut back on how much time I spend staring at the big screen in our living room, but it's nice that I'm not bombarded with advertising during those three or four hours on the couch. So that's a plus. Also, we're watching more of exactly what we want (like Weeds, South Park, LOST, 24, and Buffy the Vampire Slayer) and less crap in between (like Family Guy). Also I'v become a huge fan of documentaries, nature (especially those featuring David Attenborough) or otherwise. So, in a way, I'm learning from my TV instead of just consuming it. Maybe.

I have also realized just how deeply in love I am with Netflix. Really - it knows no bounds. Did you know you can watch James and the Giant Peach on there? Seriously, go watch it right now. Although sometimes Netflix occasionally disappoints, it more than makes up for the movies it doesnt have with the gems that it does.

How to take on day at a time

2010-07-19T16:06:00.003-04:00

It never fails: I post or talk about productivity and, immediately after, experience my least productive day in a long while. Why? Discipline.

I've read before, but I can't find the source now, that discipline is like any muscle in your body. That idea became one of those quick-hits that resonated with me immediately. Of course it is - there isn't necessarily something innately wrong with me or anyone else you has little self-discipline, me or that other person simply hasn't made exercising self-discipline a priority.

I'm Gen Y, guys, I get what I want when I want it, remember?

But how do you strengthen your discipline muscle? Here's what I'm trying.

I'm starting small. During one of my many attempts to Go to the Gym Every Day for Real, You Guys, I'd spend more than an hour working out and loving it. I was totally feeling and loving that burn, you know? Doing circuits after circuits, rocking out, being a gym hero. The gym I went to was totally going to hire me a spokesperson after that day.

Then I'd spend 30 mins at the gym the next day. Then I'd skip the next day. And then next. Then it was Friday and I had plans for the weekend. I'd fizzle out and spend a month ignoring the fact I wasn't going before feeling guilty enough to start all over again.

Not any more. New goal for getting in shape? Just getting up at the same time every morning and going to the gym. I don't even care if I walk on the treadmill and watch infomercials for 30 minutes while I'm half asleep. I aim to just show up and do something.

Same with my other personal goal: eat healthier. The number one thing I'd like to do better in that realm is just eat my goddamn breakfast. I don't even care if its a single piece of toast - the point is I can't say I'm going to go from eating nothing to making a traditional Irish breakfast feast every morning and expect it actually happen.

My other personal improvement goal is to read more. I used to read books like no one's business. Then a little thing called College came in and made reading about speed and counting pages. Lame! I have my list of books and I'm going to start carrying around the first one on that list everywhere I go. And I'm going to read for 10 or 20 minutes every day while I eat lunch. I'd like to get to read a book a week (all the Smart People on the Internet do that, you guys) but if it takes me two months to get through that first book, so be it. I'm establishing a habit through consistent behaviors.

When I won't want to go to the gym or read, it'll be easier to do it because the bar is low. Once it's easy to meet that bar, I raise it a little. But my self-discipline muscle will be all warmed up by then, so it won't see quite so hard.

Or so I think. We'll see how it goes.

How I Am Productive

2010-07-14T15:11:00.004-04:00

The bottom line is I'm not: I live and breathe by OMGTHEDEADLINEISTOMORROW. But these are the things I'm trying to keep in mind to be more productive.

1) Penelope Trunk's succinct explanation of all productivity tips: Do one thing at a time. Do the most important thing first. Start Now.

It's the starting now part that I have the most trouble with. Coffee helps. It also helps to...

2) Break tasks into small pieces and know, realistically, how long each piece will take.

And reward yourself when you finish each piece. Checking my Google Reader index, Facebook, or IsItFunnyToday.com are some of my rewards. I'm also breaking my day into smaller pieces, divided up by 15-min walks around the campus where I work and snacks. Take a look:

I get to work at 8:00am ish and start working at 8:30.
Take a break at 10:30
Work from 10:45 to 12:30, then have lunch.
Work from 1:30 to 3:30, then take another break.
Work from 3:45 to 5:15 ish, then you're done!

3) Aim to complete just three tasks every day. This keeps me from writing huge, all-encompassing to-do lists that are just overwhelming. Three, small tasks are manageable.

4) Assign tasks to specific times of the day when you know you are most productive. For example, I write better in the morning than the afternoon, so I always try to finish writing an article before 11am. I schedule interviews after this time so I don't have that distraction. It's also good to have one, small task to do immediately after lunch, like an interview, so I get back into a rythym of work.

Sex In Spaaaaaace!!

2010-06-30T09:28:00.003-04:00

Check out this series of posts from MSNBC's Cosmic Log about sex in space: have you ever thought about having sex in space?

I, personally, have not though now that you mention it...

The point of this is not to speculate if astronauts have sex in space and which ones, but to think about space tourism and colonizing the moon or Mars: if humans are going to spend any significant length of time in space, they're going to think about sex at some point.

Or not:

I asked something like - are you guys thinking about that, really? Because all I could think about at the time was not vomiting or bonking my head on the roof when I flew through the air. Sex was the last thing on my mind.

I've never experience weightlessness so I have no idea, but I'd assume that, after a while, you'd get used to it, lose the nausea, and gain more control over your movements. Plus, I whole-heartedly agree with this sentiment:

While the engineers call for assistance devices and choreography as though it were a spacewalk, I have full confidence in the one human drive greater than the one to explore.

If there's a will, there's a way. I also liked her suggestion to install the back seat of a car on the space station, since are has many of the same challenges (minus the no gravity thing) and people still regularly enjoy sex there.

But the point of all this is to really talk about space research. It's popular to say "spend the money d0wn here on earth to fix our problems now!", but that's not seeing the big picture. Space is amazing - we hardly know anything about it. It's the final, FINAL frontier and it probably always will be. Just as its important to study the natural world around us (and studying the dep oceans is basically the same as studying space and I definitely think we should be down there too), it's important to feed our exploration of the stars.

If we want to be a society that values invention, creativity, engineering, exploration, etc., we should invest in space research because it reflects those values. Just because we want people to solve certain problems doesn't mean they will if we keep throwing money at them. You never know where a solution will come from; you don't know whether or not studying to create earth-levels of gravity on Mars or the moon will have any positive implications for life on earth. It might, or it might not. That's what humans do: we try things and experiment.

Should we start throwing money at NASA without holding it responsible? Of course not. We shouldn't do that for ANY organization. And NASA should also do a better job engaging the public, marketing its worth, showing people just how awesome space research really is and making it about every individual human's sense of wonder, not just high level, ivory tower research and projects or whatever.

Dude, space is awesome you guys.

Kickstarter

2010-06-22T14:28:00.003-04:00

Do you have money laying around? Too much cash and nothing to do with it? DONT WE ALL. But never fear! There's a new way you can put that money to good use and feel good about yourself!

It's called Kickstarter. From the website: Kickstarter is a new way to fund creative ideas and ambitious endeavors. We believe that a good idea, communicated well, can spread fast and wide and a large group of people can be a tremendous source of money and encouragement.

The kicker, so to speak, is the organization's all-or-nothing funding scheme: people who launch a project commit to raising a certain amount of money in a specified length of time. At first I thought that was ridiculous, but the website explains it well. So basically, anyone can come up with a creative idea and use this site as a unique, secure way to raise money and spread the word.

There are so many projects up there all ready, including a number in the Boston area, that this place has almost become as dangerous to me as Etsy or Banana Republic (when they're having a sale - which, oddly, seems to be all the time??). I swear, I'd be dropping $50s left and right if I had any.

Another cool thing, though, is that you can follow projects you're interested in without pledging financial support. For example, check out the projects I'm following. Whenever I sign in, I get to see what these awesome, creative people have been up to, and its easy to remember my favorite projects in case I ever do have some extra cash.

Just another really cool website from your friendly neighborhood web surfer!

So much good stuff

2010-06-17T14:40:00.002-04:00

So there were 3 1/2 really awesome articles I read today that are completely unrelated, but I'm putting them here to catalogue them and share them with you. Cause they and you are both awesome.

One.
The latest from Catilin Kelly at True/Slant is an article explaining why "female viagra" can't work. Sorry folks, no cash-cow wonder-drug here. Keep moving.

Two.
I fell in love with Equally Shared Parenting a few months ago. No, I'm not a parent, but CW and I are firmly committed to being the type of parents described in that site. Check it out: for how straightforward the concept may seem at first, its surprising how rare this type of parenting is.

Anyway, through ESP, I found Equal Couples, which today posted about how social policies in Sweden are changing society. Awesome, right? But, I was thinking that what I'd like better in the US would be flexible work hours. Instead of being able to take 6 months for maternity leave, I'm fine with just two or three as long as I can work when and where I want to. I write and work online, I can do that from any where and at any hour of the day.

Three and a half.
This third article is actually two on the same topic, and I love it. Joseph Childers (from True/Slant again) writes about why every good movie is a miracle and why TV is having a renaissance while movies continue to stink. When you think about it like that, Childers, it makes perfect sense! Now I'm wondering what the solution is.

My Relationship with Barak Obama

2010-06-16T09:23:00.006-04:00

When Obama was running for office, I thought sure, it's easy to vote for Hope and Change and the Future, but it's much harder to talk about the nitty gritty and be realistic about how this country is going to improve itself. I think I wanted to see him as just another demagogue playing off people's emotions to get himself some power.

But guys: I really like the guy. I think he genuinely cares about things. When he talks to people, I think he wants them to understand where he's coming from. I think he doesn't care if they disagree on the details, but that it's possible to bring people together around the big picture and work out a solution, even if the process is messy. I love that.

That's why, generally, I've had a high opinion of him over the last two years even though I generally disagree with his politics. We both understand what the problems are, we just need to compromise on how to fix them.

But I can't agree more with the sentiments in this piece, esp this:

At the end of the day, the boss of the MMS is Barack Obama. At the end of the day, the person charged with the safety of America’s people and land is Barack Obama. That role cannot be fulfilled with a panel of experts, nor Nobel prize winners, nor commissions. Put another way, you do not change the world by saying, “I urge the Commission to complete its work as quickly as possible."

I want Barack Obama to kick some ass, but after the oil is cleaned up. I want him to put BP and Haliburton and MMS and Transocean each in the hot seat and hold them all respsonsible, but I also want him to hold his government responsible too. I don't necessarily think the government should take over the clean up—I'm not sure what I think about that—but I do think that after the thrird or fifth time BP failed to stem the flow of oil, SOMETHING should have happened. Let the other's play the blame game, Obama, you're focus should be on What To Do Now.

And I know you're just one man, and I firmly believe that it's not always The Government's Job to fix things, but you're our leader, our inspiration. Americans are sickened and they don't want more blah blah.

It's funny that today, Frank Chimero also posted this on his blog, because, in regard to the oil spill but also many other Things going on in the wide world, my generation feels like this. What do we have? Is our frontier the Internet? Technology? Can we really be that excited about something so intangible?

I believe Gen Y can be the Next Great Generation, but first we need something to be excited about and inspired by. Obama did that, but it seems like the Government Machine is grinding him up just like everyone else.

NOTE: I also found this article on Reason Magazine about the oil spill that's very, very interesting. You can bet your boots I'm going to be spending a lot of time reading about government failure.

ANOTHER NOTE: Check this out if you want to learn more; I added it to my Amazon wishlist.

Gen Y Angst

2010-06-03T16:56:00.002-04:00

It's been one of those weeks where creeping doubt and worry have turned me into a bit of a mess, now that it's Thursday.

Why am I still wasting time here? How come I can't be more productive? What do I want to do with my life? Is a career even that important? But what if I wind up stuck here for years and years and years and never AMOUNT to anything?

The lack of cashflow is making retail and/or booze therapy impossible. Luckily, I just made some bread so carb therapy is still an option. Ideally, I can replace that with exercise, but we'll see how the night goes.

Financial Responsibility is:

2010-06-03T13:07:00.001-04:00

Not signing up for an extra credit card or six to buy awesome stuff that I want.

But I am sorely tempted.

New Blog to Follow

2010-05-25T11:00:00.004-04:00

Guys, I found an awesome blog (? I think, I haven't really figured out who writes it, why, etc) or you all to check out.

UPDATE: Ok I figured it out: a fellow called Barker who says "The only work I've done as an adult is creating the things I loved as a child". Sounds pretty awesome to me.

It's called Barking Up the Wrong Tree and, every day, it highlights a study that addresses interesting questions. The author adds his/her two cents, and recommends a book or movie or something about the topic. This is one of those sites that I constantly find myself clicking deeper and deeper into as I keep seeing fascinating topics to explore. Then, I click on the links for the recommendations and lose myself in other recommended titles on Amazon. I now have HUGE wish list on that site (in case anyone ever wants to buy me something!).

Like this doozy: a German study about how the continuous, if not systemic, limitation on the ability of the poor in America to vote is in part responsible for the country's unique competitive advantage, not, as many have suggested, a "product of a unique history or culture."

Very interesting, and I don't doubt to some extent its true. But I'm having a hard time letting go of my belief that the unique features of American culture have also contributed to its success since there really has never been any civilization like it before, but plenty of civilizations that didn't let their poor have any say in the government. Maybe that's because I'm American and biased rather than German and bitter (oh snap!). It's a stimulating thought, nonetheless, and further convinces me that Election Day should indeed be a national holiday. And it should be in the middle of the week - a Wednesday - so its not just another long weekend but a really special break in the middle of your life to take part in the great American Experiment!

Ahem. I digress. Anyway, the blog is super cool and you should check it out. And you should expect to see my "interesting" commentary on some of the topics it features in the future!

Ridiculous Item of the Day

2010-05-20T10:50:00.003-04:00

In the spirit of CW's blog, here's a ridiculous item of the day for you, this time in higher education. One of my favorite pieces, from Gary Pavela, director of academic integrity at Syracuse University and, according to the USA Today story, author of numerous articles about student conduct:

"'And sometimes a private, candid conversation with an offending student helps.'"

Oh, you mean treat the student like an ADULT? Because, you know, he or she IS ONE?

And this is another doozy about W. Scott Lewis, associate general counsel of Saint Mary's College, in Indiana, and president of the Association for Student Conduct Administration. He

"gives seminars for many colleges through the National Center for Higher Education Risk Management, and he said that a consistently popular topic is how to train faculty members to manage their classrooms in ways that enable them to be respected by students. "We don't train faculty members on that," he said. "They are trained to be great physicists and political scientists, not on how to manage a classroom.""

What? College professors don't know anything about teaching? Isn't that their job? Shouldn't people who TEACH know how to manage a classroom? (This trickles down to high school and below, but let's not go there today.) The assumption here, like in so many places (the company you work for, I'd wager) is that if someone is good at their job, be it being an economist or being a salesperson, then that someone is qualified to teach/lead others when the teaching and leading actually require a completely different set of skills.

I'm not even halfway through the article at this point.

I love that these experts start talking about how to get students to respect you, as a university professor: wear business casual clothes, have students address you as professor or Dr. Newsflash: students don't respect people who cling to superficial displays of power or influence or whatever. They respect people who treat them with respect, who know what they are talking about, and who do their job. I'd had lots of professors who wore nice clothes and who didn't have us call them by their first names, but I respected them for showing me a new way to think about literature, or politics, or the psychology of economics.

And of course there's a dig in there at the entitled attitude of Gen Yers: Lewis said students "these days" have this sense because of their parents. Yah, but let me show you a few choice Gen Xers and Baby Boomers who think the world is their oyster. Someone people think the world revolves around them, buddy, that's a fact of life. Sure, Gen Y is pretty entitled. I can be a big baby, and am often. But I'm 23 years old, what's my middle-aged boss' excuse?

The kicker? This assessment is followed by the addition that "many more [students] have mental health issues, and many feel significant stress over the economy."

Are you freaking kidding me. Students are no more prone to mental health issues than any other population group. Instead, students are under pressure to acheive and are asserting independence by swearing colorfully and often, drinking themselves stupid, and doing other scary, unorthodox things like not wearing shoes, wearing unconventional outfits, playing frisbee at all hours of the night, etc. And students are stressed by the economy so they are swearing more? Yah? So? Isn't everyone? How is this something that needs to be pointed out to professors?

Work Sucks and Then You Die

2010-05-12T13:48:00.002-04:00

This week has been one of those weeks for me, as in, I have zero motivation for my job. Not just that but mostly that. Maybe you know the feeling: you have a list of things to do, a deadline approaching, expectations to meet from several different sources….and you just don’t care. This morning, I likened it to when May hits and you’re in school. You have a lot of high-pressure work to do, but you just don’t care and spend your time thinking about other, maybe more interesting stuff.

I’m SO there. I’ve been making travel plans for the next three years. Anyone interested in an Ireland/Scotland trip in 2012? (Assuming the world doesn’t end…)

The other day, I was wasting time on Texts From Last Night (which has the interesting effect of both making me feel better about my life and making me somewhat jealous of those people) and found this doozie:

The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making.

That quickly extrapolated to how many bottles of Jack Daniels I earn in a day, which should be no surprise to most of you. (It’s about one every three hours for the 750 ml, in case you were interested.)

But look, I said to myself this morning, thinking about bottles of Jack Daniels is no way to get through the day. It’s not healthy, in any sense of the word. How am I going to get out of a slump like this if all I can think about is Jack Daniels, as handsome and delicious as he is? Instead, let’s think positive.

For some reason, today I’ve also been obsessed with the Harvard Business Review. Dudes: they have SO many smart, easily digestible, and actionable posts on there. I highly recommended it: procrastination and self-improvement all in one! (Also, they are looking for a marketing coordinator, I job I could totally do, and I think I’m going to apply! Excitement!)

There are a lot of parentheses in this post.

Anyway, this obsession led me to this post, among many others, which inspired me to make a list of positive features of my current place of employment. So here it goes:

VERY short commute, even with all the lights and crazy people trying to get to the Beverly High School.
Casual working environment: no big deal if I have a bad hair day or need to wear my Crappy Work Pants one day because of laundry issues
I have a huge amount of control over my work flow and am largely left alone, which is a way of working that works for me.

I feel better already.

Motivation 3 (sort of)

2010-05-07T10:08:00.003-04:00

Everyone should check out Shootforthehead.com, which provides valuable advice for surviving a zombie apocalypse. I’ve been doubting my own ability to contribute to a survival team in the event of the end of the world (228 days until Dec. 21st, 2010…or is it Dec. 12th? See what I mean about survival?), but I think I may have found a niche skill: zombie protection.

Today’s article on shootforthehead.com is about which fast food establishments are best suited for hiding from zombies; the article decided on McDonalds-type places, I suggested gas stations. Food will never good bad, small, not too many windows or doors, possibly firearms under the counter, and a built in, last-ditch defense in the form of tons of flammable liquid in underground tanks.

Then I took a look around and realized if there was a zombie apocalypse when I was at work, I’d be pretty screwed: cornered in the back of the building with nothing but huge plate glass windows between me and what could be a parking lot full of zombies. Yikes.

It was then I remembered Rule #1 (I think) from Zombieland: run fast. And suddenly I have the perfect motivation to start the Couch-Potato-to-5K program I’ve been thinking about for weeks. So tonight, I’m going to put a picture of a lunging zombie on the wall by my bed above my sneakers. When I wake up every day, there will be my motivation: not getting my brains sucked out my nose in the event of a zombie apocalypse because I’m able to run a 10 min. mile.

Assuming zombies can’t do that, of course. But hey, at least I’ll be able to get enough distance between us to take out a gun, load it, and kill the bastard, right?

Motivation 2

2010-05-05T12:39:00.003-04:00

I found two other commentaries on motivation in the last few weeks. One I can't find now, but it reiterate my closing remarks in my last post: breaking things down and making incremental change. The author talked about reducing spending on entertainment by 5% each month until she reached her goal of spending 50% less in 2009 than she did in 2008. And she talked about averages: at the beginning of 2009, she spent 75% of what she'd spent, on average, each month in 2008 because it would be too hard cut her habits in half right away. By December, she was spending much less than she'd spent each month in 2008, but the reduction wasn't painful because she'd made it gradually.

The other is a post today on the Harvard Business Review (which is not stuffy or too over-your-head and has become one of my favorite blogs to read these days) about how to motivate yourself. It basically blows up the saying "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" to a thousand words, but the story the Peter Bregman uses to illustrate it is a good one.
(Image from Erupting Mind)

Plus he talks about the concept of scheduling time for second guessing yourself, which I've never thought of before. I'll have to consider how I could implement that in my daily life. Of course, just thinking about it now, I figure when its 6am and I don't want to go for a run, the thought of reevaluating my goal to exercise more at 2pm that afternoon won't be enough to motivate me; at 6am, all I want is to stay in bed and its very easy to ignore what I know my 2pm self will say when she's not even in the room.

That idea is much more applicable at work. I know that the days when I take 30 minutes to go through my Google Reader are less productive over all because I'm thinking about what I've read, what I could blog about, what I should share with people. Not my work. The days when I exercise the discipline to do one thing, even one small thing, on my to-do list right when I sit down are the days when I'm most productive because I'm in work mode from the first minute.

It's like when you're a kid and your parents say you can have desert after you eat dinner. Today, I like to think life's short, eat desert first! and assert my independence by eating cookies at 5 before we cook dinner. But, it turns out, Parents know what they are talking about - the days when I save desert for 8pm, when dinner is done, the kitchen is clean, and I'm comfy on the couch with my one true love (Netflix), are the evenings I enjoy it the most.

Motivation

2010-04-20T16:22:00.002-04:00

I've been really out of things for the last two weeks online. First there was stress at work; not out of the ordinary, just a crunch period. Then there was a wake and a funeral. And then there was Wedding Stress. Everything fell by the wayside, and it occurred to me that, if the management of my life can so easily fall by the wayside, I must not have a good handle on managing my life.

But more importantly, I'm looking for motivation, I think. Motivation to keep chugging at long term goals despite short term challenges. What do you all do when you're having trouble with that?

Recently, I've been eating ice cream and watching Bones. Which is all well and good on its own, but not a good coping mechanism.

One of the most helpful tools I've found in motivating myself to do things I don't want to do is maintaining zero emails in my inboxes, Gmail, at work, and our physical mailbox. The satisfaction of having a big empty box in front of me inspires me to deal with items as they come it: either address the issue, file the issue for future reference, or just delete it. You'd be surprised what you can get away wth just deleting; the biggest lesson I've learned in the last month or so of doing this has been just how much information DON'T need to consume or store.

Doing this for our physical mail is more challenging - it's easy to take mail out of the mailbox everyday and throw away the junk, but items that don't require an immediate action wind up in piles on the kitchen table and even on top, not inside, the filing cabinet. Ideally, I'd have our filing cabinet downstairs near the mailbox so putting things away would be less of a chore, but I digress.

The concept is explained better and in greater detail elsewhere, just Google it, but that's what I've been doing.

Another of the things I've learned to increase my productivity is to think small. One of my biggest hurdles is getting overwhelemed by too many things to do or one thing to do that's just too big.

Like finding a hotel for my wedding guests to spend the night. I had no idea how to go about getting something lined up, so I started with one thing: I need a hotel within 30 minutes of our venue. A few quick Google searches and I had a list. The next thing I needed was a hotel with room options for around $100/night. I narrowed down the list. I also needed a hotel with enough rooms for my guests, so I crossed out all the bed and breakfasts. All of a sudden, I had a manageable task: call the four hotels left on the list and ask about group rates and transportation to and from our venue.

This isn't a new concept, its just one that I've seen myself learning.

I'm trying to apply the same principal to another goal: getting up earlier to work out and eat a healthy breakfast. I'm finding that, even though I know the long term reward of having a lovely, relaxing, healthy morning always outweighs the short term reward of staying in bed longer, I hardly ever follow through. In fact, I'll be hungry, but still get back in bed, leave for work with minutes to spare, and skip breakfast.

Any advice?

The other area I've had trouble getting motivated in has been, obviously, blogging. I think this is another instance where creating the habit is hard work, but once it's in place, it's easier to maintain. But how do you create a habit that requires you read, think, and write - like homework - every day? Or one that requires you to work out every day?

Maybe I should break taht into smaller pieces. Maybe I will write a blog post every day for the month of May, even if its just 300 words musing about something I read. Maybe I'll just aim to put sneakers, instead of flats, on every morning before taking Maddie out, whether I exercise or not.

Talking about Money

2010-04-08T18:08:00.002-04:00

From what I gather, money is the thing most couples in the US fight about, and I imagine that's true all around the world. Money makes the world go 'round, you see. They say that couples who can talk effectively about money succeed and those who can't, don't.

Here's what a typical conversation CW and I have about money:

One of the other: AHHHH WE HAVE NO MONEY.

The other: Calm down babe here's some right here.

The first: WE'LL NEVER SAVE FOR THE WEDDING/PAY OUR BILLS/AFFORD CHILDREN

The second: Sure we will lets do some math...feel better? Ok lets order some pizza, buy some whiskey, and get drunk so we forget about this until later.

And later, the second picks up where the first left off panicking about CREDIT CARD DEBT, or LOANS, or a CRAPPY, LOW PAYING JOB.

Hopefully, we're not alone. Not that I want anyone of you lovelies to live from paycheck-to-OMG WHEN DO I GET PAID like us. Or rather, like me. But that's what you get when you go into writing/journalism for a magazine and newspaper. Remember those things? With the pages? Exactly.

But I digress. I only mean that it would be comforting to know that other people do any of the following and that I won't be sent to personal finance hell for doing it myself:

carry a balance on their credit card(s)
spend too much
live almost beyond your means
pay half your income in housing and/or loans

And it would be nice to hear what you all do to talk about money in your life. Do you talk about it all? Just with you closest friends? What about your family?

I'm pretty sure everyone knows how poor I am. When it gets to the point that I turn down a fucking coffee at Starbucks cause I don't have any more cash to spend this week, its obvious to whoever I'm talking to that there is a problem. I like to think that the problem isn't so much how I spend money or that I spend to much, Because seriously, by the day before payday, I've got 30 bucks in the bank, one or two outstanding checks, and a strong hankering for a new bottle of whiskey. And a pizza. But usually I can find someone to split an order of Dominos with me. Thanks guys!

My big concern for myself is continuing to be honest. I've never lied to CW about anything and I haven't even stretched the truth to him about how much I've spent. But let me tell you: its HARD. The guilt over every dollar I hand across the counter when I know he's given me 50 bucks to cover an overdraft charge is intense. You can probably guess what he'd say:

"Money is there to be spent, and its all our money. I love you and I want you to enjoy yourself once in a while, so don't worry about it."

So honesty, certainly remains key. I can imagine he'd be singing a different tune if I'd been lying to him all this time.

What else? I'd say a shared opinion on values. It's hard to talk to anyone, let alone the person you have sex with, about money if you don't value the same things in life (maybe you shouldn't be having sex with that person?). Like, I value drinking whiskey and so does Chris and we both understand that. So if money is tight that week, I don't buy a bottle of tequila, but a bottle of whiskey we can share. Better example: we both value camping and want to make that a part of our lives. So we spend money on camping equipment that, to others, would be a complete waste.

That's really it, I think. And of course, the bottom line is everyone should remember that mone may make the world go 'round, but ti doesn't make it fun. Sex does that. And whiskey.

Quitting TV

2010-04-05T10:13:00.004-04:00

We got rid of cable this weekend. It's been quite an adventure so far.

First, we started by hooking up my Mac Mini to the TV playing music and music videos on the big screen. Fun, but the mouse and keyboard didn't work from the couch, so we had to get up.

I bought a wireless mouse and keyboard that worked from across the room, and we started watching Bones and SNL skits on Hulu. It was great to take a break from the commercials, but we still had the cable in place as backup. Nothing like a little Good Eats before bed, you see.

But CW and I had been complaining about Comcast and talking about getting rid of cable altogether for months. We wanted to make the leap, but were afraid of the consequences: we'd never been without a TV for more than a few days for our entire lives. But about two weeks ago, I finally made the appointment and we went through with it: cable TV currently doesn't come to our house.

It was my second try.

The first time I called, I rehearsed: "Hello Comcast, this is Meg Flynn from 517 Broughton Drive, and I'd like to cancel my cable." It took a few times before I felt confident to dial the number. But when the friendly lady asked how she could help me that day, I sheepishly asked to down grade my package. I was even more sheepish when Chris came home and told him I had not only chickened out, but had left us with a miserable cable package that not only didn't have ESPN, but also didn't have SyFy. Even worse, we didn't have any TV service at all upstairs, and I had no idea how or why, but was too ashamed to call back and ask.

The injustice of it inspired us, so I called again and asked to cancel it for real.

"Hello Comcast, this is Meg Flynn from 517 Broughton Drive, and I'd like to cancel my cable."

Success! But I cringed, waiting for a fight, thinking is this guy asks why I'm cancelling or if there was a way for him to convince me to stay, I'm going to crumble.

You see, first of all, I hate Comcast since it's a power-hungry monopoly that doesn't provide goo enough service for the exorbitant charges it requires. Secondly, TV has a limited positive impact on our lives, if at all. There have been nights when the two of us, after a long day at work, sat on the couch from 6pm to 11pm watching reruns, Keeping up with the Kardashians, and worse: the local news broadcast. Barely saying a word to each other and only getting up to get something to eat. Feeling your brain turn to mush inside your skill would be a mind-blowing experience if you're mind was working at all at the time.

And seriously guys: do you have any idea how much marketing bullshit you're exposed to in a 120 minute period of TV watching? It's insane. And I speak from experience: it DOES effect you, even though you think you're better than that. It's getting in your brain, man.

This is all very snobby and hippie-elitist of me, I understand. I'd say not as much as this guy. But you know what? Family Guy isn't that funny and LOST will never satisfy you.

But I digress. The guy came on Saturday to take away our cable box and adjust our connection so that we'll only be getting Internet from now on. Ironically, the cost of Internet nearly doubled so we'll only be saving a few bucks a month with these change. Again with the snobbiness: I argue that our quality of life with improve significantly regardless.

Immediately, however, we recognized a problem: we now had no way of telling what time it was in our living/dining area. And we'd relied so completely on the cable box to know what time is was, all three of the clocks in our kitchen had been neglected to the point they now all read a different time. CW set to solving that problem. And other than that, things were ok. We survived the first day. We spent most of Saturday night watching videos on YouTube and Vevo on the big screen (which I'm not sure was any better than TV?).

But over the course of Sunday, we both independently realized a much bigger challenge lay ahead. We didn't say anything to each other; the fear was too great. Of all the times to cancel cable, I'd scheduled it for the day before Opening Day.

Not gonna lie: I panicked internally when I realized. But I didn't say anything unless CW was regretting the change too. I had to stay strong.

Fortunately, under the guise of enjoying the weather with friends, I invited us over to the Varnesi's house for a cook out and, conveniently, was able to watch the first few innings of the game on their TV. Unfortunately, the game started at 8pm, and everyone was tired: we needed a back up plan. So I suggested we turn on the radio in our room and listen to the game the old school way - how quiant!

That actually worked pretty well, and it's really a good thing I canceled it when I did, since if we were used to watching baseball every night, we'd never be strong enough to ditch the thing. Though I think the radio has more commercials than the TV between innings. Alas.

We're looking into some kind of web-based subscription for baseball. I'll let you know what we find, and how the experiment goes as we try to get through baseball season without a TV. I suppose the bottom line is this means we'll be going to the bar more often to watch the game, so call us if you'd like to come too!

Quitting the Gym

2010-03-22T16:29:00.004-04:00

For the fifth time now, I've tried, and failed, to maintain a regular schedule at the gym. Every time, I go for a few days in the first week, sometimes even four in a row. I feel super excited. The next week, I go once. The week after that, I go twice. Then I stop altogether for weeks at a time and start all over again a month or so later.

Three of times I went through this cycle, I was paying for the membership. Twice, I had a workout buddy to go with. This most recent time, I had a wedding to get in shape for.

Every week for the last year, I've gone to bed on Sunday with every intention of going to the gym after work every day. I knew all the tricks: pack your bag the night before, keep it in the car, go to the gym closest to your work, park the car close to the gym so you have no excuse. Nothing helped.

Instead of beating myself up about this, this time, I've decided to accept defeat. I totally fail at going to the gym.

They say a failure isn't really a failure if you learn something from the experience. I don't care if I learned anything except that I don't consistently go to the gym.

There are lots of reasons people give, and I have in the past given, for not going to the gym. I used to be very self-conscious about changing in the locker rooms and everyone seeing me attempt a 20-minute mile on the treadmill, panting and clutching my side. I'm proud of how less self-conscious I've felt at the gym this most recent try, so that's not what is keeping me away.

It's not that I'm bored either. I often had a lot of fun exercising, was always happy after a work out, and several times I did lots of different exercises and had a great time.

Maybe the gym just isn't for me. Maybe that's just what people say when they give up on something. Who cares? I'm not going to renew my subscription and waste more money. Instead, I'm taking a different approach: bringing more balance to my life.

I've started doing silly little yoga poses in my living room every morning before breakfast; Maddie thinks I've gone nuts. I think about the amount of vegetables and fruits I consume compared with the amount of carbs instead of beating myself up over missing 30 minutes on the treadmill.

Since it's summer, I want to take advantage of how easy it is to be outside by taking longer walks with Maddie. I also want to go camping as often as possible - wouldn't it be awesome to go on a hiking/camping trip? Hike deep into the woods somewhere with everything you need on your back, sleep under the trees for a few nights, and then return to civilization? I think so.

That is the kind of activeness I want to pursue. I thought the gym would be a part of that, and maybe it will be in the future. Maybe all I need is great self-discipline and mindfulness and I'll become a gym junkie. But from now I, I refuse to feel guilty about not having a gym membership that I don't use and instead work on those skills for free!

New Gig

2010-03-02T15:52:00.003-05:00

Things have been quite here at Thinking for a while, but not because I was lynched for my series on conversation (this blog doesn’t get enough traffic for that). It’s because I have a SOCIAL MEDIA WRITING GIG.

Sort of. I’m working with Tyson Goodridge at Dialogue (OMG I'M ON THE BIO PAGE) a social media marketing consulting firm that looks at the big picture – how the way we have conversations are changing because of the tools we use. Awesome right? Tyson and I collaborate on blog posts for the Dialogue site; sometime this week, hopefully, I'll be meeting the rest of the team. It’s really exciting to be a part of a growing company (right in my own backyard!) in the same sector I’ve been voraciously consuming information about for the last eight months.

I can’t even tell you how exciting is ok? There is no way to convey that in a blog. Except writing in all caps, but then you wouldn’t be able to read it. Ok? But remember: I’m REALLY EXCITED about this.

Anyway, after we worked on this post, I found some more information pertaining to social media use today that is interesting.

First, we have a new study from the Pew Internet and American Life project that says nearly all Americans get their news from more than one source, which includes the Internet, but only a little more than half get it exclusively from the Web. The study reads:

In the digital era, news has become omnipresent. Americans access it in multiple formats on multiple platforms on myriad devices. The days of loyalty to a particular news organization on a particular piece of technology in a particular form are gone.

...and I'm not sure that's entirely true. I access the news online, but usually through just a few sources. CNN for one. Of course, I'm also in love with Thoora, which may mean my habits will change in time. But I think the bigger picture is people aren't loyal to a particular news organization, but to particular curators of news. For example, I like ReadWriteWeb and True/Slant, which draw information from a wide variety of sources (but I LOVE T/S).

The study also emphasized that people are getting more news through social networking. I would guess Facebook especially, though the 37% who said news is a social experience (and by that I mean they share and comment on items reguarly) for them did cite Twitter too.

Cool tidbit: the survey highlighted weather specifically as one of the most common topics of information people look for online. The study said 81% of respondants look for weather information online. Why wait for Local on the 8s when you can get instant access? Makes me curious to see what the Weather Channel is doing to beef up its online presence. I perfer NOAA personally. Blame CW for that one.

The other interesting article I found was from ReadWriteWeb, citing a report from Hitwise Intelligence that said Facebook is quickly growing to be a major driver of traffic to news items all over the Web. And I love that it talks about how great this is for encouraging freer thought and more dialogue around current events. We all know how I feel about Big News. Of course, that good news is tempered:

Perhaps more importantly, though, Facebook, Google News (1.4%). and Google Reader together account for less than 5% of news sites' total traffic [emphasis their's]. The #1, 2 and 3 drivers of traffic to news sites? Google, Yahoo and MSN - portals and search engines where the editorial judgement is made by centralized algorithms and powerful front-page editors.

And as much as I love Facebook, I love RSS readers better, and this article said those just aren't competeting. I say its a matter of people not realizing what they are missing, so I digress:

I use Google Reader, which has the trademark simplicity and clean look of all Google's applications. There are so features I'd add, but it certainly gets the job done. I highly reccomend you try it out, but there are others to choose from; here are a few to consider.

It's simple to use, but start by going to your favorite sites, like those you have bookmarked, and look around for a little orange box with three white curves in it; scroll down this page and look at the left hand column until you hit the Subsribe section - that's what you want to find. Follow the prompts, add it to your Reader, and then check back every morning or, when you get more subscriptions, every few hours to see what's new. You'll always have something interesting to read, and YOU can CONTROL what information you absorb, not Someone Else who is also interested in selling you more Stuff.

Feels good to be back here writing!

Writing About Talking, Part Three: Religion

2010-02-18T20:52:00.004-05:00

There is a lot to say about whether people should or should not talk about religion in company. Yahoo! Answers contributors said not to, unless you know the company really well. An opinion I've already agreed with - as far as manners are concerned, it's more polite not to potentially agitate, offend, and otherwise ruin a party by broadcasting one's beliefs.

But CW would say anyone can say whatever they like and if someone else get's offended, it's their responsibility; you can't go through life worrying if you're going to offend someone.

Which I also agree with. So the answer must lie in the middle. And I think Matthew Warner at Fallible Blogma had a good argument: maybe if we talked more about religion, we'd be better equipped to handle passionate disagreements politely. Although I think his assertion this this adage has resulted in "generation illiterate of politics and ignorant of religion" is harsh; I always thought this advice was attributed to Ben Franklin, am I wrong? I do think, however, that this policy has made it harder for us to talk when it's important to talk - without talking, how can we hope to understand different beliefs from our own and find a way for them to coexist peacefully?

Then, Randy Cohen at the New York Times took a different twist in an article posted last Fall. He was covering the Vatican's invitation to Anglicans "uncomfortable with female priests and openly gay bishops" to rejoin the Catholic church. He was dissatisfied, to put it mildly, that mainstream media didn't "castigate the Vatican’s invitation to misogyny and homophobia".

But then, when has the mainstream media been good for anything?

I like some of what Cohen had to say, particularly the Federal government's mixed policies regarding what religions can and cannot be held accountable for. But he says that a church, like any other major organization, ought to be "subject to moral scrutiny, whether the group is the Boy Scouts or Nascar or the Roman Catholic Church".

But he forgets: who's morality are we scruitenizing them under? What makes that moral scruitny more acceptable?

I can understand where he's coming from. I don't think it's right to forbid women to hold positions equal to men or to hate homosexuals, but that doesn't make it ok to tell a whole group of people they're wrong. If they adhere to beliefs and ideas that are unpopular, they'll lose their strength, as Catholics are in the US (please note - I don't agree with the perspective of this author, but the statistics are compelling) and as numerous. religions. have in the past.

Although critizing an organization or belief isn't the same as having contempt for it, as he said, I would suggest there is a difference between critisim and questioning or discussion, which is always my aim with conversations about religion. I want to understand someone else's point of view, and why they think that, and talk about what makes our perspectives different or similar. That's fascinating. But I don't think anyone has any right to critisize.

Writing about Talking, Part Two: Open Conversation and Healthy Sex

2010-02-09T15:07:00.003-05:00

Since sex is by far the most interesting of the three taboo topics (politics and money aren’t as…sexy…), let’s start there.

For me, the bottom line is that open and honest communication makes for a better quality of life in any situation. Healthy sexual lives begin with open and honest communication from parents.

The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry says:

By developing open, honest and ongoing communication about responsibility, sex, and choice, parents can help their youngsters learn about sex in a healthy and positive manner.

And then maybe when their youngsters grow up to be horny teenagers, they won’t be emotionally scarred or scar anyone else because sex isn’t Evil, Scary, and thus Forbidden. Yay!

My sexual experiences have all be positive because I had a network of support. There was always a friend to call up and commiserate, celebrate, or compare notes with. I was rarely scared or worried for long about whether I was normal or whether he was normal. Sex is just like anything else: when you’re trying something new for the first time, you want to know what it was like for others to gauge your own experiences. Without honest conversation, you’re alone, worried, fumbling in the dark. And that is way less fun.

Gen Y, on the whole, is mostly through the sexual awakening part. Now, it’s about figuring out how sex fits into the discussion: what counts as TMI, what we should be more open about, and what is ok in certain situations.

Let’s take a casual, social situation: Saturday night; drinks at home; mixed company; you know everyone there pretty well.

For the record, 99% of the time I won’t be embarrassed and would love to talk about sex. But like I said, I had a lot of positive experiences. There are plenty of people who don’t feel that way. So my default setting is don’t bring it up, unless they do first.

But alternatively, ask if the person if they are comfortable talking about whatever sexy thing is on your mind. And if the conversation gets steamier, it’d be considerate to check in and make sure no one is getting uncomfortable. Hopefully they’d say something to the effect of “Guys, this is a little much, who wants some more dip?”, but you should probably check anyway.

From there it’s a scale. Maybe if you’re with just the guys (though I’ve heard men don’t really talk about sex like this? Opinions gentlemen?), or with a group of your oldest friends and there’s a higher threshold of what’s ok. If you’re at a party where you don’t know most of the people – I’d say that calls for a very low threshold.

Since lots, if not most, of Gen Y social interactions take place online, however, what are the guidelines for that? This is where our society, and legal system, are still figuring out what’s appropriate. Sexual harassment happens online, and people are empowered by the level of anonymity the Internet affords.

I’d say if you’re writing in your blog, you can say whatever you like and your readers will either continue reading or stop if they’re uncomfortable. Then it becomes about writing for your audience.

Dragging people into conversations, however, is not appropriate. Like, posting sexy comments on a Facebook wall. If you don’t know that person’s threshold, don’t. Plus, you don’t know what their privacy settings are, maybe they are keeping their wall PG for mom and dad’s sake.

And it can become a fine line between being open and funny and being a pervert that skeeves people out instead of contributing to a healthy dialogue about sex.

Don’t be that guy.

Writing about Talking, Part One

2010-02-08T16:01:00.001-05:00

Last week, I wrote about conversations in polite company and I realized I have a lot more to say about that.

What if that is just a form of censorship? Censorship is my nemesis. So I thought about it.

Think about this: so many people don’t want to talk about money, and the result is a population that is hugely under-educated about how the financial system works. Thus, the chaos that was 2009. It’s not polite to talk about how much you make, but if salaries were transparent there wouldn’t be jealousy or backbiting at work. (Probably there still would be; you’d also need a regular, honest, and trustworthy system for reviews, which is another post.)

And sex. I live in a liberated and most liberal bubble and have been largely insulated from feeling Weird or Unhealthy because it’s been easy for me to talk to friends about sex. Wouldn’t it be great if sex wasn’t Evil or Sanctified and Serios (depending on who you talk to), but an awesome part of life people could talk about if they wanted to? (If they want to being the key.)

So coming up are a series of posts (whoa, my first ever series) that talk about talking, what’s polite, what’s ok, and more. I’m doing this because I have so many things I want t talk about and each one deserves it’s own post. I can’t guarantee that they will go in any kind of order or that they’ll be one day after the next, because something awesome might happen that I want to tell you about. But they will all share this title, so you can find them easier.

The kicker is that I have a feeling this is An Issue for Generation Y, in the sense that with the new technologies and an almost-generation-spanning agreement in honesty and forthrightness, as well as a burning desire to change the world for the better, we have an opportunity to make up new rules about what is Polite, what is OK, and what is not.

Conversation Topics for Polite Company

2010-02-04T16:53:00.005-05:00

Sometimes I think there must be some kind of cosmic order in the world, God perhaps, because I will hear about the same thing happening in three different scenarios with no link between them what so ever. I say three because as I'm writing this, I'm thinking about the saying celebrities die in threes, which I first heard back when Princess Diana died and have been spookily fascinated with it ever since.

Rationally, I know people just die and things just happen based on zillions of random factors that no one can understand completely. And I understand it seems like there's a cosmic force behind it for the same reason we see patterns in the clouds and shapes in random designs. The human brain likes to MAKE the information its taking in make sense.

The thing that I heard about a bunch of times recently in totally unconnected ways isn't even that big of a deal: a few separate groups of people I know were talking about politics on Facebook with complete strangers. Some of those groups got in fights. Everything is ok now, but it made me think of that Ben Franklin quote my moom drilled into my head when she would send me over other people's houses and wanted me to be able to make friends:

Don't talk about sex, politics, or religion with company. Or something like that.

I suppose the trouble is those are close to the most interesting topics people can talk about. Sex obviously is a very interesting topic, but really, it's largely an extension of the other two. The reason Ben and my mom said not to talk about these things (well not the sex one since I was eight years old I think) is that they:

reflect deeply held personal beliefs,
often fall along strict divisions with little or no compromise,
and others' opinions may seem entirely irrational to you.

BJ reminded me that people tend to think they are anonymous online and that their online persona is different from their "IRL" persona. Which is true, but on Facebook, an image of YOUR face is right next to the words you're typing. And in these cases, it was all young people that I don't think have that kind of separation - they are all online all the time and have been for most of their lives.

Is it a general trend towards polarization in this country? People fee more strongly about what's going on in politics? Is it because religion, politics, and sex are so .tightly .linked .sometimes, and more often today? I'm not sure. I think one factor is that it's easy to type something; much easier than say something to a person's face. But maybe that's for me, talking about this stuff with someone at all is a significant step in my relationship with them and that is less and less the normal behavior.

The big idea here? The way people form relationships online is different from the way they formed relationships without the Internet. We all have to make our own rules. It's bound to be messy at times, but as long as everyone keeps talking, things will work out.

My mom taught me that too!

One Minute to Midnight by Michael Dobbs

2010-02-01T20:42:00.003-05:00

This evening, I achieved a major accomplishment: I finished a book for pleasure! Reading after college is another thing I'm adjusting too. I approach every book like its an assignment, flipping ahead to see how many pages until the next break, skimming for the gist of the chapter, procrastinating reading it at all, and then feeling guilty about all of the above. Maybe this is just the way people read, but as part of my greater goal to be more in the moment and work on my focus, I would ideally like to change the way I read. I'd like to absorb each word and each sentence as it comes. I want to think while I read, but also focus on digesting the information as I take it in and being able to remember and reflect.

One step toward that is to catalog my reading notes here as I go. I had this idea several weeks ago, but I was in the middle of One Minute to Midnight by Michael Dobbs and didn't feel like starting up notes right in the middle of a book. So here's my brief review, and then I'll start taking notes on the next one.

This was a great book. I received it as a gift from MC and MC (wow I only just NOW realized they have the same initials??), and was thrilled at their great choice. Who else do you buy a a nonfiction, detail account of the Cuban missile crisis? Me. No one else I know. If anyone wants to borrow it, let me know, and then we should be friends for ever, so I can talk to you about nerdy, historical stuff.

Anyway, this retold the story of how the world came to the brink of nuclear war but didn't jump into the abyss. It's dramatic, almost suspenseful (I mean, you know the ending so not that suspenseful. Right?), and Dobbs paints the characters in this dramatic episode of American history with skill and charm. I think the main reason it took me so long to read (I've been at this since September) is the school approach I've had to reading since graduation. The only other thing I'd complain about it is its breadth of detail. In his efforts to incorporate lots of newly released information and give equal time to many parties, Dobbs' finished product seems somewhat hobbled together and, in places, hard for the casual reader to follow. I felt like I ought to have had a graph or something along side me as I read it to remind myself who's who and what they are doing and why. Though, on the whole, this didn't detract from the overall message I will summarize thusly:

We came pretty fucking close to a full-blown nuclear war. And by close I mean within inches, ok? Any number of tiny events going one way or another could have changed the largely positive outcome of this event. And by largely positive, I mean 100% positive, since the planet WASN'T DESTROYED. If you don't really understand what I mean or just how close, then I highly recommend you read this book and get a whole new perspective.

Ok, as for the next book! I have a pile next to me of options. A few I've read parts of, one I read half of last summer but got overwhelmed in the fall and put it down, and two that intimidate me, but that's what it's all about right? Let me know which you think I should read first, or if you have any other suggestions!

Freedom in the Making of Western Culture by Orlando Patterson
The J Curve: A New Way to Understand Why Nations Rise and Fall by Ian Bremmer
Toward a Pyschology of Being by Abraham Maslow (shout out to BJ, who recommended this book to me years ago but I never read. He's probably someone I could be nerdy and historical with, actually)
Katherine Graham: Personal History by Katerine Graham
Reinventing the Sacred: A New View of Science, Reason, and Religion by Stuart A. Kauffman
Doing Nothing: A History of Loafers, Slackers, Loungers, and Bums in America by Tom Lutz
and
Putting the Public Back in Public Relations: How Social Media is Reinventing the Aging Business of PR by Brian Solis and Deirdre Breakenridge.

Will update later! Good night!

I'm not that depressing/How to live in the moment

2010-02-01T16:50:00.004-05:00

A combination of factors has kept me from posting since my last post about death, the most prominent of which being my lack of discipline when a) I'm overwhelmed or b) when I'm focusing on something else; last week it was exercising regularly for the first time in years. (Made it to the gym five days in a week though, whoohoo!). So whenever I had a second that post would pop into my head and I'd be all "everyone who reads me is going to be all depressed or think I'm all depressed" forgetting that a) I'm not reaching 25,000 people (yet) and b) the point of the post was that death shouldn't be depressing, but inspiring.

Then I saw this today over at Untemplater and had to share. THIS is what I meant, ok? Don't worry about death, guys, it happens to everyone. Be inspired by it. I think my example of enjoying the moments you're picking up dog poop would have been a good addition to the author's list. Especially at 3am in the morning when you have to walk out to the dumpster when all manners of terryfing creatures could be moving about. Isn't that why I agreed to get married in the first place, so there would always be a man to make that trip to the dumpster and face the potential threat of raccoons and rabid squirrels or werewolves?

But I digress.

I read this today as well on WikiHow, a great site for learning (generally) useless but interesting things when you should be doing something else (I know about a lot of these, ask if you need one). Zen driving is really the same concept, just applied to one specific, often stressful, scenario.

Often stressful for me. Remember the time I screamed at CW because I didn't merge in time to take the right exit out of Providence? Or how much I hate traffic? No? Be thankful.

Ways to live in the moment, be more positive, and avoid flipping out:

The tips in the Wiki article about focusing on breathing or the sensation in your hands and feet etc are helpful tools (not necessarily applicable when cleaning up dog poop; thinking about how sick the dog actually feels is more effective, ie, considering the feelings of others. Poor Maddie.). The Untemplater article is more abstract, but I like the idea of asking yourself if this is what you want to do on the last day of your life and watching out for too many no's. Because a few no's are ok; no one wants to go to the OB/GYN on the last day of her life.

There's also making a list of concrete actions to take when you're overwhelmed and freaking out. They've been telling me this since middle school, but breaking down your goals, even those actionable steps, into baby steps is hugely important. And the concept has finally sunken in. Hooray!

And then there's my favorite: thinking of something worse that could have happened. There is always a worse situation you could have to deal with. Like getting your face ripped off by a bear or getting bitten by a shark; use your imagination!

And when all else fails, call me and we'll go get a drink. Because being with other people helps take the focus off yourself and gives you an outlet. Plus alcohol is fun!

Dying Well

2010-01-27T14:51:00.003-05:00

There was a lot of jibber-jabbering at the office today and I made a bonehead move that really bothered me. Then Maddie pooped on the stairs so I had to clean that up when I got home from lunch. And it still isn't Saturday so I was grumpy. I was driving back to work thinking "The only thing we have of any value on this earth is time, and I spend 8 hours every day at RedCoat Publishing hating every minute of it.

Not pleasent.

Then I read this story from Musings of a Distractable Mind, a blog I frequently find much in common with. (I found the story through Better Health, a always-fresh site that compiles posts from a community of bloggers you should check out if you have any interest in the healthcare.

The story is about a doctor and his patient who died recently, but did so without complaining. Just with a smirk and a joke, as DrRob said; the man was totally accepting of a fate that shouldn't have been his.

Also: today is the 65th anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz.

What lessons did I take from this story and this fact?

Well, first that as bad as things may seem, I've never been put in a concentration camp and worked/starved to the brink of death. Or actually killed by incineration or gassing. So I should think about that next time I have to clean up dog poop.

But also, that as precious as our time is on this earth and as much as we should do to ge the most out of it, ultimately, we all die one way or another. It's gonna be over someday. All you can do is be grateful for what you were able to do with your life and accept it.

I may be unhappy where I am right now professionally, but its going to get better and I need to take responsibility for making it better. And in the mean time, there's not point to bitching about it because I'm a lot luckier than many.

Its very hard to remember that when you're standing in dog poop.

My goal: to pause when I'm standing in dog poop to remember that its just poop; that I'm fortunate, and that I have control over my own situation (clean off the dog poop, work to prevent stepping in it again).

My sister and I sometimes say, "At least you weren't bitten by a shark" when things are going particularly bad. You can fill in your unfortunate circumstance of choice but this one is good because it always causes me to smile a little.

Too deep for a blog post?

The Evolution of News

2010-01-25T16:59:00.005-05:00

If you liked my other posts about the evolution of news, Justin Kownacki has more to say about that in his most recent post. Go read that. There's a lot to talk about from it, but here's where I started.

The internet enabled people to get more information faster. The growing desire for this gave birth to the 24-hour cable news channel, which is able to broadcast breaking news almost instantly whenever it happened and is a place for info-junkies to turn.

But to succeed, mass media has always had appeal to the lowest common denominator (ie the media’s role in Spanish-American war, among many other examples).

Thus, the 24-hour news channel now features celebrity gossip and blows coverage out of proportion to achieve ratings and make money; the more sensationalist the story, the more attention, the more money. Print media has been trying to compete on the same level with some success (ie: the Boston Herald), but really can’t keep up.

With so much sensationalism and some widely publicized mistakes as major media move too fast to break a story, however, some people have been looking for alternative sources. And more will as time goes on.

The internet helped out there too by lowering the cost of entry into the journalism business. Now, people can turn to a lot of different sources for immediate coverage AND alternative opinions and in some cases more trustworthy reporting. Think about Twitter: you get hundreds of eyewitness reports in the form of tweets, which are too small for much more than the facts – the who, what, when, where, and why newspapers are supposed to be covering.

Now, people have the challenge, like Justin said, of filtering the tweets (and blog posts etc) from people they already know they agree with, or they know are trustworthy, down to the most interesting commentary or, as Justin says, the most actionable piece of information to save time.

A reporter, then, has the task of finding a field they specialize in; Congressional politics, for example. That reporter spends her time reading Senators’ tweets, pundits’ blogs, and even working her beat to get the raw information. Through networking and diligence, they can build an audience that is interested in what they have to say and eager to include them as they whittle down the places they get their news from dozens to a handful. As long as that reporter (or organization) continues to provide interesting, original, actionable (I like that word), and most importantly relevant information, people will look at her website, see her advertiser’s ads, and even pay content.

And here comes a brilliant analogy:

Think about your car. You might have one or two gas stations you go to for gas because they are convenient; they are on your route to work maybe. But you go to a certain local garage whenever you need to get your oil changed because you trust the mechanics not to overcharge you and to educate you if they see something you need to know about. But maybe you don’t go there for new tires. You go to specialty tire store that has a wider variety in stock and better prices because they have better buying power.

You go a website like Politico that specializes in Congressional news and has a great deal of sway in that industry.

Make sense? Do you agree? Neither?

First ever roundup

2010-01-18T13:44:00.003-05:00

I don't much like link roundups that so many bloggers do from time to time. Why would someone click on just a link just because I or anyone else said so? But a number of factors (lots of interesting things I found this morning plus not quite enough time or content for a full, thoughtful post) have convinced me to reach a compromise. Here are a few links that I think are 100% worth your time to check out, plus some commentary to explain why I think so.

First, a blog I just tweeted about and added to my Google RSS reader: Far Beyond the Stars. I don';t know how it happened, but I've been slowly collecting minimalist and simple-living blogs. I find them soothing and inspiring. I don't think my life is that complicated or cluttered, but I want it to be even less so. I'm slowly developing an idea of steps to take toward that goal, and I find this and a few others (Rowdy Kittens for one) very helpful.

I'm in the middle of a few different posts from Change Your Thoughts (like this one) and I definately buy into the concept that you can control your mood and outlook, and much more, just be changing your frame of mind and adopting positive catch-phrase things. Like for me, to get myself to the gym, I remind myself "Once you go you'll be happy you went" or "You want to be someone who goes to the gym often". Repeating one or the other in head is very helpful, so I'm excited to read more about this idea here.

I also found this post on EcoVelo, a blog about a couple making bicycles their primary mode of transportation as well as just general healthy, low impact living. Not only are the pictures gorgeous, this is another concept that I like and am striving to integrate into my own life, at least in some capacity. Today's post about Showing Up definitely resonated with me, so I expect to come back here often.

And in a totally different track, I found The Beauty Brains from one of today's Broadsheet posts
and I'm in love. My best advice for people buying cosmetics products is 1) don't buy it. You are beautiful the way you are and as long as you wash reguarly, you don't need anything else. But if you still want a product, my other two rules are: 2) understand what the ingredients are, and 3) don't buy brand name. Most products are highly glorified but otherwise very simple things.

All that being said, one of my favorite sections of the Broadsheet piece is the idea that if YOU like something and are comfortable spending money on it, then buy whatever you want:

But they also noted, as they do when discussing nearly any product, that some people rave about it, and if they're comfortable spending the money, "To each her own!"

Like, I love the way Aveeno products feel on my skin, so I sometimes opt for those (especially the sunblock) when I have the cash. I'm also in love with my mascara (I forget the name of it, but ask me later and I'll find it for you) so even though its expensive, I splurge because I use it a lot and am very satisfied with it.

I can't wait to see what the Beauty Brains recommend!

I'm a Journalist

2010-01-14T14:00:00.003-05:00

The other day, BQ told someone I was a journalist and I felt a little glow of pride. I was associated with those sexy, fedora-and-trenchcoat-wearing icons who got to the root of the issue and exposed the bad guys. Or they resisted temptation and ran the story despite the costs. And their hard shells softened a little as someone showed them the real story is how to slow down and enjoy life.

Tear.

But the reality, as Justin Kownacki reported, is actually much grittier. And less romantic. Print writing is dying and the latest bright idea, signing up to pay for online content, hasn't proven to be much more successful. (Those last two I woke up to this morning; great way to start the day working for a magazine.) I like Kownacki's commentary:

Your value is perpetually in flux, which makes matters of personal identity — to say nothing of job security — one massive grey area.

and later he writes:

This type of “progress,” like the assembly line and the printing press before it, may cause the future of human employment to seem bleak. But fear not. Sportswriters, journalists and defenders of culture everywhere, take heed: there are still people out there who are willing to pay you for what you do.

The key, though, is to remember how this IS progress in the same way the automotive industry is progessing to a new business model. Unfortuantely for us journalists, these transitions are ugly and stressful. So that makes it difficult to focus on the future and the positive aspects of change. (I’ve been learning just how difficult it is to keep positive in general.) But they are there. And the payoff for moving forward with the change rather than standing firm against it is great, both literally in terms of your paycheck and figuratively in terms of your professional development.

Instead of thinking about what people are NOT interested in (print publications delivered to their doorstep or not-free online content), think about what they ARE interested in, specifically, short, blog-like articles that are available for free online and are updated a few times per day. Newsletters that show up in their inbox in the morning and evening with a few new pieces of content, especially content that leads them to more content they might not have found otherwise. And, as Kownacki said, content that has a unique, fresh voice instead of a stodgy one.

And what is extremely important is that independent journalism persists to continue to expose the bad guys, keep politicians on their toes, and explain the world to everyone else who’s too busy to keep track of te insane amount of information we now have available. Information aggregating systems are a tool journalists can use to do that.

Journalists need to learn how to write for the internet. Language and written communication is changing. I’m figuring out a way to adapt that works for me; let’s work on this together.

Be Thankful Everyday

2010-01-14T11:08:00.003-05:00

At least I have a paycheck coming in at the end of this week! This was a sobering article from a new source for me, KoreAm, a blog for Korean-Americans. You may not know this, but immigration and the lives of immigrants is fascinating to me and, I think, should be fascinating to everyone. I think I'll be bookmarking that one.

Since the recession began almost two years ago, the economy has shed 7 million jobs. Whole industries—auto, housing, finance—have been decimated. And while students like Hong spend their afternoons studying and fretting about graduation, there are scores getting fired, working unpaid internships or agonizing about the U.S. jobless rate—which in September, hit a 26-year high of 9.8 percent.

Makes me want to crawl under my desk and write furiously to avoid having to confront THAT reality, which, thankfully, belongs to Other People right now.

Moment of Weakness

2010-01-14T10:58:00.003-05:00

After 10 days of vacation, I came out swinging. I am so proud of myself for getting out of bed every day, driving to work, and getting done what needed to get done rather than let myself get back into the swing of things slowly after that long out of my corner.

That's not to say the last two weeks have been easy. I've been chugging along and barely scraping by. And today, it finally happened. What I thought would bring me down (a particularly tough day last Wensday) didnt, and I suppose its a victory I made it this far.

I broke. I am sad to report a full blown pouting session this morning. Stomped feet and clenched fists - the whole shebang. I'm sure CW thought it was actually quite comical, but he was gracious enough to let me whine and give me a kiss instead.

Three hours into this work day and I'm so far behind. I don't think I'll ever catch up. I'm taking a few minutes here to update and share the many exciting news items from this morning, and then its going to be a long afternoon. And evening: I'm going to a three-four-hour meeting of the school committee tonight to cover their budget planning process for the good citizens of Hamilton and Wenham.

I don't know how I did it, but something about sitting down at my desk and making a pile of things to do that got me moving.

Here's to a brighter and better tomorrow.

No more quizzes, please

2010-01-13T16:37:00.004-05:00

Today, The Next Great Generation blog (which is pretty cool I think) posted about the difference between a participatory marketing campaign and an EFFECTIVE participatory marketing campaign. I love this:

For instance, I’ve seen a number of “fun, interactive” quizzes in advanced tv campaigns and on Facebook. Really? You think someone wants to take the time to do a quiz about BMW automobile parts or a word scramble about Vaseline on tv in their free time?

Because seriously, who thought that was a good idea. I've seen maybe one in 1,000 of those little quizzes running down the side of a Web site that looked REMOTELY interesting. And the best is when a company, like Vaseline, makes one.

I was talking to my dad about social media marketing today at lunch. He admitted that he knows basically nothing about it and asked what companies are using it for. I admitted that I only know what I've read about and experienced first hand from the receiving end, but that social media, generally, is about creating more intimate relationships with communities of consumers that are based on authenticity. That means the company uses social media in a way that makes sense for them. Vaseline has nothing to do with word scrambles.

And honestly, there are some social media tools that make sense for some businesses. If you're communicating the same thing on Facebook, Twitter, and Flickr, you need to rethink your strategy and choose the tools and strategies that make sense.

Earth-shattering, right?

The next social-media-marketing rut that I want companies to break out of is getting people to vote for things, like which charity to donate too or which color to include in the next line-up of products. While that's a great way to get a better understanding of a company's consumers, I also am not getting paid to direct that company's corporate responsibility program or R&D department. As BrennaHanly so accurately said:

If you develop a participatory program, make sure it has real value and provide the right incentives. Give us money, give us free stuff...

Gen Y might be more tuned in to what's going on in the world around it, but that doesn't mean it wants to spend time doing busy work for a business when it could be updating its Fantasy Football roster.

Want to piss of CW?

2010-01-12T15:27:00.001-05:00

There are many ways; its a fun game finding them all. (Don't worry, he has just as much fun trying to get me all worked up as well.) I haven't tried this yet, but I'm 100% sure that it'll work: talk to him about the January Effect.

Bit.ly is pretty cool

2010-01-12T15:16:00.002-05:00

As I figure things out on the Interwebs, I like to share them, though it's typically 50-50 that the person I'm sharing it with has already seen/heard of what I'm talking about.

Everyone's heard of Bit.ly, I'm pretty sure.

But dude, check out the clicks info. The site takes some figuring out to see where all the information is (I wish it didn't take you to a new page every time but expanded or contracted the page you are on to display new numbers. But then, that might not be possible), but it's cool to see who's clicking on the links you shortened and posted about and how many clicks you contributed to the total click count for that item of information. Confused? like I said, it takes some getting used to. But it's still pretty cool. If only as a way to kill a few minutes while you wait for your coffee brea...OMGTIMETOGO.

Infotainment isn't news, much less fair and balanced

2010-01-11T16:58:00.002-05:00

Ok I get it: Sarah Palin is fascinating. I don't even hate her, I confess. She's got an interesting story, both personally and professionally, and she was amazing at the RNCC in 2008 when McCain announced her as his choice for VP. But all of that does not make her qualified to act as a news analyst in the sense of what (I think, at least) a news analyst ought to be. To wit: someone who understands the issues and can explain them in a way that resonates with the American public, which is very busy and turns to cable news for information about what’s going on in the world and how it effects themselves or their loved ones.

The key word in there being INFORMATION. What Sarah Palin will provide is not that.

I’m sure she’s learned a lot about national and international politics since she first started out on the campaign trail. But what is she going to contribute to a story about Congress, having never served there herself? Or even covered it for a newspaper, magazine, or BLOG. Or a story about a Supreme Court case, not being a lawyer, law professor, or remotely related to the legal profession?

Sarah Palin is not a specialist in anything except holding the public’s attention on an issue or, more often, herself. Doing so better than the other cable news networks is what has made FOX News the animal that it is. I’m not saying that’s not necessarily a Bad skill. I am saying that skill is not applicable when your professed goal is to INFORM the public.

There it is again: INFORMATION. Do you know what FOX News usually provides its viewers? INFOTAINMENT. Subtle difference

And hey, CNN, I’m talking to you too. AT 730 when I’m trying to be INFORMED about current events before I head out the door, I don’t really want to hear about Ben Stiller’s new charity or a bunch of teasers before ten minutes of commercials.

Strategies for Feeling Better When Things Suck

2010-01-08T13:24:00.006-05:00

Today started out awesome because it's Friday and I had a really great time with some new-ish (for me) friends last night. So I was feeling really confident, really on top of the world, really pulled together this morning. And that was despite not having very many good outfit options since it's the end of the week; usually that bothers me in the morning.

But not today! I'm totally ok with ABW (already been worn) jeans and my old green fleece. So ok, I get to work and am immediately productive, even though its Friday and I didn't have breakfast. I even get through my RSS feed this morning without getting totally distracted or fired up. Want to get fired up about something? This'll do it. Stupack sucks.

Anyway, things are going great. Then 11am rolls around, which has become My Enemy this week. For some reason, I can never keeping going past that hour. Then I wind up wasting an hour before lunch. Repeatedly, this is because something happens at work, and I need to take 30 minutes or so to re-plan out what work needs to get done when and catch my breath enough to prevent myself from leaping ontop of my desk and throwing things.

This happened today. What happened is irrelevant; there is always something. I hope that I will come to accept this and not feel the need to propel somewhat dangerous items at the heads of my cowokers. That will not be good for CW's and mine saving goals for the wedding or indeed my goal to stay out of jail.

I manage to get home for lunch and everyone is in one piece.

Maddie, who is much too good for a dog for me, sometimes bears the brunt of my Eleven O'Clock Hour of Rage, but today is Friday after all, so I force a smile and talk in a high pleasent voice about how much I love her. She wags her tail, and I feel myself actually feeling happy about how much I love her rather than angry about how much work (and Stupak) sucks.

Strategy #1: fake it until you make it.

We go for a walk. I cut it short because there are a lot of people on one of the roads in our apartment complex doing work on a water main, and Maddie's overly friendly personality often pushes me into social interactions I'd rather avoid. So we do a quick walk to keep from bumping into any of those people.

Strategy #2: know what makes you unhappy or angry and work around that.

Then its time for lunch. We have hot dogs. Actually, the sell-by date for them was January 1st, but hot dogs are highly processed right? Into the frying pan it goes.

"One lonely little hot dog for my lonely little lunch," I say pitifully to Maddie. But I think if I add some green beans that will be pretty healthy lunch. So I boil a pot of water to begin my made-up vegetable cooking strategy: put veggies in a pot of boiling water for three minutes, strain, then drop in cold water to stop the cooking, then serve. I don't know where I got that from, but the results have been pretty good (if a little cold).

I actually am really proud of myself because, instead of butter, I put olive oil, salt, and pepper on the beans. So even stressed out, I managed to cobble together a somewhat healthy (if the hot dog doesnt kill me) meal.

While lunch cooks, I wash the dishes the in sink, dry them, and put them away. I don't like having a) dishes in the sink or b) dishes in the drying rack on the counter cluttering the kitchen up. So I get rid of the dryer. In between making and eating my lunch, I clean the countertops and the stove top, wash; dry, and put away the dishes I used for my lunch; wipe down the coffee table with Pledge; and put away the little pile of junk growing on the kitchen table. I think about the best way to talk to CW about improving the way we manage the cleanliness of our house.

Strategy #3 and #4: distract yourself and think proactively.

Then I give Maddie a treat and send her to her crate. I turn up the heat and open all the doors upstairs so the apartment warms up as it cools down outside and the air circulates more. I get my things together and go outside and check my phone. And even a voice mail from my mom doesn't penetrate and bubble of calm I created.

Then I get to work and decide instead of waiting for a good time to write about the latest news that's interesting, I ought to just blog about my day because I want to be honest and I want this blog to be about Life, generally, as a twenty-something, thinking woman in the US. Then I read one of the may favorite bloggers, Penelope Trunk, who has a particularly relevant post today and had a great post yesterday, and I'm reminded about how much I want to talk about the challenges I, and I presume others, face every day. So I did.

KILLER WHALES

2010-01-07T16:11:00.002-05:00

There is much I wish to share with you today, but as my deadline creeps dangerously close and I have Plans to Go Out with someone other than CW tonight, I won't be sharing them. But stay tuned, awesomeness will abound!

Instead, I simply had to link to this news story at Discovery News about Killer Whales dividing into two separate species. HOLY SHIT penguins and seals, watch your backs.

I wonder if this could hold true for humans: will vegetarians actually become a separate, somewhat freakish and intimidating hominid species??

Side note: I'm so apologetic to vegetarians. I find out someone I know has Switched and I'm all "Wow, I'm so sorry about how much I love meat. Oh no, I'm drooling all over you, I'm SO SORRY." They tell me they don't care what I eat; that this is their personal choice, but I guess I just don't believe them.

Anyway: killer whales guys, killer whales!

Really Cool Stuff

2010-01-05T16:50:00.003-05:00

I just discovered this website today so I'm still figuring it out, but honestly, I'm blown away. The funny thing is that I found out about it via those annoying suggestion boxes on Facebook: someone I know is a fan of it and Facebook thought I would too. Carelessly, I clicked the little X, only to stumble across it a few hours later when another blog I was reading linked to it. I guess Facebook was right.

The site's About page does a better job explaining what it does, but this relates really well to what I was talking about yesterday in filtering the news you read. Instead of telling you What Is Important, this site tells you what lots of other people think is important, even if its news that's a few days old and even if the traditional Media isn't covering it.

I was looking at one topic - Apple's purchase of Quattro Wireless - and Thoora had a tab of the big news media, a tab for its indexed blogs, and a sidebar running alongside both with the most recent Twitter posts on the subject. It only gave you a snippet from each source, and the clean lines and soothing colors (I mean CNN, really: a giant, fire-engine red banner across the top, while simpler than you're previous look, is just the thing to get me all concerned) prevented it from becomming an overwhelming experience. So much information, and you get to choose who get it from and how indepth you want to get. Fabulous.

I haven't explored the various tabs and filters yet, but I'm pretty much sold - Thoora is officially part of my Google Reader feed.

24-hour cable news is bad for you

2010-01-04T16:59:00.003-05:00

I would now like to address the challenge of being well informed and up to date on current affairs while avoiding the hysteria of the mass media which aim to spoon fed Americans in a spasm of fear.

It bothers me a little when my friends say things like “I don’t want the news; it doesn’t effect me and its so negative it brings me down all the time.” First of all, I’m sad that they get sad when the think about how terrible the world can be; I mean, it is depressing sometimes and who wants their friends to be sad? But advice like this, found at an otherwise excellent blog The Personal MBA -

Seriously – 99.999% of the things you hear in the media are completely outside your sphere of influence or locus of control. The news media makes money by attracting attention, and nothing gets attention more than the rumor of imminent danger or threat. The only likely outcome of watching the news is that it’ll sap your attention and divert your energy from improving your situation to fretting about what the world’s coming to. Keep your attention on what you’re doing to build the life you want to live, and it’s only a matter of time before you get there.

- also bothers me because, as a citizen of a democracy (in title anyway; let’s not go there today shall we?) that is a major influencer of the world, I think its irresponsible to not care. It’s your right to not care of course, and maybe I’m not thinking about the people out there who will never care, no matter what. But as a curious human being, don’t you want to know what’s going on?

The real issue is about control: where you get this information dramatically effects how you feel about it. Is someone behind your TV screen and someone behind a desk telling you what you Need to Know? Then of course you’re going to feel lost and scared. I agree with the above point in that those Someone’s eat when they get your attention and the cheapest, easiest way to do that (since the world can be, in fact, a somewhat scary place) is to talk about bad things and the negatives. Seriously: look at those headlines!

What’s the solution?

Instead, get your news from sources you can control, and the Internet is the best place to start. At least at the above sites you can click on what you want to know about and what is important to you.

A site I like to get my news from is Politico. I’m subscribed to its RSS feed in my Google reader and, throughout the day, I get a peek at its headlines. If a headline seems especially important or interesting to me then I click and read further. Otherwise I focus on what I’m interested in and what makes me happy.

Salon and Slate are good news sites that mix hard news with feature stories about life that make me happy. Twitter trending topics, interesting articles your friends are posting on Facebook - these are other ways you can focus on what you want to know about without all the DRAMA. Take advantage of technology and learn about the world around you! It's not all that scary, really. Plus, it's fun to get fired up!

Welcome to 2010

2010-01-04T14:40:00.002-05:00

And we're back! After a week and a half basking in the glory of vacation, I'm at my desk and have been surprisingly productive. No fidgeting and no doodling. I even made it until about an hour ago before thinking into The Future in that non-productive, worry-inducing, crazy way that I do.

Where will I be in five years? How can I prepare? What do I want to do with my life? Am I good enough to do that? What if I never reach my potential?

The thing I've come to understand about New Years is that it's a period of transition that humans love to endow with mystical powers. There is no difference between January 1st and December 31st except a handful of letters and numbers, really; the first day of the new year is always the same 24 hours you have every day. It's really just for convenience sake that people make resolutions for the new year, but how often do people follow through?

I, for one, have never completed a New Year's resolution. I decided last year not to make them anymore. And this year I'm thrilled not to have to. I've been trying to lose weight and read more every day for the last six months, and some days I get closer to those vague goals than others. That's all you can do, really: take one day at a time.

I sometimes think I ought to get that tattooed to my right hand so whenever I pick up a pen to start scribbling three-, five-, and ten-year life plans with any kind of seriousness, I'll remember to breathe first.

Nietzsche said, "You must have confusion in your heart to give birth to stars." Someone else said something about how the mark of a true genius is to be able to hold two conflicting ideas in her head at the same time. These quotes comfort me: being confused is a natural, and even enviable, way to be. Those who are certain of the path before them are blind to the possibilities.

You can quote me on that.

Awesome tech

2009-12-23T11:07:00.002-05:00

I love Discovery News for bringing random, interesting, and weird stuff to my Google Reader every day. This one sounds fabulous, though I can imagine it will take some tweaking so the TV knows that, just because I'm gesturing wildly when an ump makes a bad call, I don't necessarily want to switch channels.

It's the gaming application that I'm most excited about. Not that I really play video games ever (I actually love watching other people play them and following along with the story. Weird?), but if didn't have to remember what all the buttons or what combination of buttons I need to press to kill a dwarf or something, that might make it way more fun.

Am I that lazy that playing video games is too much work to learn how to do?

The Rise of Hispanics

2009-12-22T16:12:00.003-05:00

One of my favorite things about Brazen Careerist is the wide variety of people there. With so many industries, interests, and ideas bouncing around, it is a constant source of inspiration and thinking, which we know I love.

Today, Rosetta Thurman wrote about the most young people today are Hispanic and that they will be the ones shaping this country in the future. She referenced new Pew Hispanic Center research from a national telephone survey.

The survey by itself is fascinating; I highly recommended you read at least the overview. I’ve always been interested in immigration, the immigrant experience, and cultural integration through the generations, so I was eating this stuff up this afternoon. Ever read White Teeth by Zadie Smith? I loved its treatment of the topic, and though it’s story takes place in the UK, the ideas are similar.

She also linked to an (excellent) post on her blog from February, which referenced a New York Times article reporting how updated Census Bureau projections indicate that “Americans who identify themselves as Hispanic, black, Asian, American Indian, Native Hawaiian, and Pacific Island will together outnumber non-Hispanic whites” in 2042 instead of the earlier projection of 2050.

There is an interesting thread below the post about racial terminology. As I was writing the above paragraph, I wondered why all the categories are capitalized and refer to geographic origins expect black. Why not use African-American there instead? A big topic in the discussion on her blog was why, if minority isn’t the right descriptor and people of color is, why is white still the accepted way to refer to Anglo-Americans. I mean, white is also a color, right? And Asians are white, technically, but they are referred to geographically. At the same time, I don’t think it’s appropriate to call me Irish-American; my ancestors are from Ireland and I identify myself with that country, I suppose, but I’m much more American than Irish.

Although I absolutely agree with Thurman that minority has got to go, I think maybe, since everyone is an American, the solution lies in economic status. Poor, underserved, underprivileged, and at-risk are all pretty bad alternatives. I was reminded of my international studies courses as an undergrad when I learned third-world was archaic and developing was the appropriate, positive, term to use in its place. We need something like that for people.

The solution to racism is, of course, to make race irrelevant. I mean, white isn’t even my race. I’m Western European or Anglo-Saxon or something, right? As much pride I feel for my Irish ancestors, that distinction feels silly to me. Eventually, we ought to get to a place where everyone is proud of where they are from but have a much broader identify than just the region of the world where their ancestors were born. I know racism exists, but maybe to start bringing our society away from it, we could focus instead on helping everyone who’s hungry or homeless or stuck or uneducated.

What a feel good note to sign off for the holidays on!

I often stumble, and you're going to hear about it.

2009-12-21T15:37:00.000-05:00

One thing that frustrates me about most of the blogs I follow or come across is the lack of discussion about failure. People tell me to take big risks and get big rewards, but what about the people who risk a lot and then fail?

I’m trying to convince myself that I just miss the days when my bloggers talked about failure; I’m reading their blog because they HAVE succeeded, and I just didn’t know about them back when they were failing and bitching and moaning about it.

But I’m not really all that convinced. For all the stuff people try every day there must be a lot of failure going unreported. An EPIDEMIC perhaps.

Maybe as long as you are learning from your experiences, you can never fail. That statement seems feel-good enough to fly with, but I honestly don’t think so. I fail every day at losing weight when I skip breakfast even though I know I shouldn’t, reheat two slices of pizza for lunch, have nachos for dinner, and don’t go to the gym. But then, it’s not like that’s IT FOREVER. There’s always tomorrow.

That’s it: optimism is reason failure is so underreported. People don’t ever say I failed, that’s it. You can always try again.

And the guy who’s training for a marathon but quits after two months learns something about his limitations, or his interests, and talks about that instead. And the guy who picks up and moves cross country in what turns out to be a mistake writes instead about weird funny things that happen to him on the train every morning and proves one can appreciate the fun in life when things, on the whole, suck.

And really, if someone is talking a lot about their failures without the optimistic try-again attitude or a positive lesson form the experience, then they are just whiners.

But this is one of the big reasons I like Penelope Trunk. She has a nice mix of helpful information, funny and exciting life stories, and traumatic, devastating, or just plain sucky things that happen to her. It makes me feel less weird for feeling like I’m stumbling around so often.

As long as you’re smiling, its ok to stumble.

More from the Raging Feminist

2009-12-18T12:08:00.003-05:00

I think the true measure of when one is, in fact, a Raging Feminist is the moment one receives a link via IM with the comment: "This will really get you fired up."

I had such a moment this morning. In few other moments of my life have I been prouder. And I wanted to share it with you.

CW sent me this link to a news story on CNN about a pending Oklahoma law that would require doctors to complete a 10-page questionaire about every woman they preform an abortion for that includes information about her age, marital status, race, and years of education. The story said one question the woman are required to answer is why she is seeking an abortion. The question reads:

"Having a baby:
Would dramatically change the life of the mother;
Would interfere with the education of the mother;
Would interfere with the job/employment/career of the mother."

That's none of your damn business. If this procedure is legal in the US (which it is), then why does anyone need to know why?

Did I mention this data would be publicly available online? Yes, names and other identiyfing information will not be, but many are concerned about nosy neighbors in small towns figuring out who's who on their own.

State Sen. Todd Lam, who helped draft the legislation, is quoted explaining this is "a common-sense measure with bipartisan support" that is designed to collect data to be used in helping prevent future unwanted pregnancies.

"We're not trying to embarrass anybody, hurt anybody or make anybody's identities known. That's not the purpose of the legislation," he said.

In a way, I understand that. Maybe this information will show Oklahoma exactly how many unwanted pregnancies are the result of young women not having access to or knowledge about methods of contraception and inspire the legislation to appropriate money supporting sex education.

Or maybe that's too much to hope for in a "pro-life state" as Lamb continued: "Oklahoma is a conservative state. We are a pro-life state, and I believe it's important public policy to stand on the side of sanctity of life."

But let me tell you what REALLY got me fired up. I mean, almost enough to make a new, very sarcastic Facebook status about this guy, Troy Newman, the head of the Kansas-based anti-abortion group Operation Rescue. Listen to this doozy:

"Naturally, the abortion industry wants to block this, because they know the more information the mom has, the less likely she is to abort her baby," Newman says.

Right, because it's completely irrational for women to make the decision to abort their baby. Abortion is an unnatural and misguided reaction; there are much better alternatives.

WOW. And that isn't even all there is to be upset out. Seriously, go check this guy out.

When I was in high school, I was in Mr. Kevin O'Reilly's AP US History course (no, I wasn't a cool kid, how did you know?). That is one of the courses I learned the most in, not because I remember when the Salem Witch Trials were or the history of organized labor in the 19th century, but because he pushed us to always question our sources. Who is saying that? What is their motive? What is their track record? How does their informatin compare with other sources?

(I also have to give credit to Mr. Vincent Bucci, my freshmen-year World History teacher at good old HWRHS, who laid the foundation for this skill, known as critical thinking. Refreshing right? I wish there was more of it out there, but I digress.)

Or in this instance, these alternatives are better by who's standards and beliefs? What if I have different standards or beliefs? By "information" do you mean scare tactics, propoganda, and other sneaky strategies?

Exciting, no?

Side note: Feminism is NOT all about abortion. Because I've done a 180 flip on my stance on abortion in the last few years, it is an issue that particularly riles me up. Stand by for Raging Feminist commentary on other women's issues.

Shortbread Cookies

2009-12-17T18:43:00.003-05:00

So CW has had a crappy couple of days and, to be cute, I thought tonight I would make something special and sweet. He was going out with some work friends and, though he knew he would enjoy himself once he got there was just grumpy. So I embarked on my mission with resolve.

First, I took out our Anyone Can Cook cookbook. It has a "something sweet" section - perfect! But wait: all of the recipes require ingredients that we don't have, stuff like vanilla extract. Damn.

(Surely you see where this is going. What kind of person doesn't have a bottle of vanilla extract? Domestic FAIL.)

Aha! Apparently, all it takes is flour, butter, and sugar to make shortbread cookies! Then, you can throw pretty much whatever you want! All I have for desert seasoning is cinnamon, nutmeg, and frozen blueberries. Luckily, one option the book listed is brown sugar, cinnamon and cloves; I'll just substitute the nutmeg and be all set!

This is where, I suspect, things started going down hill. For one, after I put in 1/3 of the sugar the recipe called for, I wasn't using brown sugar. In fact, I didn't even have it. With a careless shrug, I explained to Maddie that was fine, I'd just throw the spices in anyway and just have milder flavored cookies. Then, I couldn't figure out how to measure out 1/2 teaspoon of cinnamon using the grinder we have. So I just cranked that thing until I thought I had the right amount. Next, I dropped about 50% more nutmeg into the mix than I was supposed to.

Whoops.

So when I put in the partially melted stick of butter, I shouldn't have been surprised that the dough wasn't really sticking. I had far too many dry ingredients, I realized. That's: just keep throwing more butter in there!

Almost a full stick later, I figured there was nothing me to be done: gotta get those babies in. So I start squishing the very crumbly dough together with the idea of rolling it out. Except I don't have a rolling pin. Apparently, there is no limit to my ability to improvise; I never knew I had it in me! So I use a juice glass. Still doesn't work, too crumbly.

"Well, I'll just mold it into little cookies with my hands!" I say to Maddie, who leaves the kitchen for her couch to wait for CW, and sanity, to return to the household.

I bang those cookies together and toss 'em in the oven for 20 minutes. Open the door: still pretty much raw dough. 10 more minutes later: no change.

This is where, if I had guests coming or something, I'd prolly just cry. Goddamnit, I just want to be a domestic goddess, is that too much to ask?? But in this situation, there is no pressure, and think CW will get a greater laugh out of it as it is.

So I make some hot cider instead while I wait for him to come home and shake his head at me. (I am capable of recipies with three steps or less: pour cider into pot, turn heat on low, and add cinnamon. Even that took a few tries; twice already, I've boiled over a pot of cider. Very sticky.)

I wonder...

2009-12-16T20:50:00.001-05:00

...if I could go there with Kevin Costner. Or if I want to...

A raging feminist

2009-12-16T20:18:00.003-05:00

I don't know if I've told you this, but Salon's Broadsheet is one of my favorite blogs to follow, especially stuff by Kate Harding, who can be vicious in her coverage of sexists around the world. This story from her posted last night took me a few reads to get through, there was so much in there.

First of all, CW and I had a discussion about someone getting fined for having sex in a war zone, specifically. He was thinking the fine was actually for her being pregnant while at war - that would be rendering herself unfit for duty; unable to complete her job. That would be like a man getting drunk and falling down some night and breaking his leg or something - unfit for duty. I'm not 100% on this, my understanding was that she was fined EXPLICITLY for having sex. Then I see that there is, or was, a ban on sex in Iraq.

Seriously? How stupid is that?

Secondly, and this is her main point, why can't federal employees have access to a a legal medical procedure through their health plan? Because some people don't think abortion is a medical procedure. I was one of them. I thought it was murder. But in the last year or so, I've absolutely changed my mind.

The reason is biology. Mammals abort their young when their isn't enough food or something (or for lots of other reasons).

More recently, scientists have accrued abundant evidence that "bad" mothering is common in nature and that it is often a centerpiece of the reproductive game plan.

You know what this is? Humans thinking they are different from animals. I mean, we are right, We've got cities and technology, duh. But all that has come up in just the last few hundred years. And underneath the cell phones and wireless Internet, we're animals.

Also, CW and I had a few pregnancy scares in college. And by scares I mean he was in one stall int he women's bathroom in my dorm and I was in the other peeing on a stick and the two of us had clenched jaws while we waited. We had no money, thousands of dollars of debt, and no college degrees to get a job with. I was leaving to spend four months in Ireland. When you find yourself in that position, all of sudden abortion as murder becomes much less black and white.

That's why it's not unfeasible for me to see that when a woman finds herself pregnant and, for some reason or another, cannot support a baby, aborting that offspring is a reasonable and appropriate response.

But no. Some people have decided it's not. So a significant population of women in this country don't have access to safe abortions (which, I remind you, were deemed legal by the Supreme Court). And if a restriction against federal tax dollars funding abortion passes in the health care reform bill, an even broader population of women, middle-class women who opt into the government option like the feds want them to, won't be able to get a legal medical procedure if they want it.

Too Young to be Serious

2009-12-12T08:33:00.005-05:00

Snug in my bed this morning, listening leaves skittering outside in the quiet, sunny world, I was thinking about last night. CW's office Christmas party. I had a blast. Not only did I feel like I was part of the cool crowd, the group everyone wanted to be a part of, but I thought I looked great too.

The sun started coming up through the trees, orange and blazing even in the cold. I stretched out and got up to wash my face.

Lesson this week: simple acts like getting up from my desk and walking away or washing my face and looking in the mirror are actually very profound. That's why they are so dramatic in the movies. In real life, you can have an epiphany while you're face is dripping in the mirror.

Slowly, I began thinking I had also been a mess. I started a mental tally of the gin and whiskey and lost count.

Earlier this week, I covered the Hamilton Selectmen's meeting and the Hamilton-Wenham School Committee meeting for the Chronicle (check out my stuff sometime) It was pretty interesting: how to bring more commercial development to the town to diversify the towns tax revenue income and what was going on with the budget at the state level and how the high school was going to avoid probation from the New England Association of Schools and Colleges with so little money coming from the state. I was getting pretty fired up about taxation and the role of government. I shook hands with silver-haired men and saw women in expensive looking sweaters and wearing broaches and looking over files of documents. Very Serious Stuff.

I left the school committee meeting just before they officially ended it. I hurried to my car and jumped in, enjoy my spry, strong legs and young and healthy (if dry) hands. I turned up the music and backed out of my parking spot too quickly. I drove much too recklessly for 9pm in Wenham.

But it felt good.

I stopped feeling too bad about last night when I remembered I have my whole life to say no thank you to one more whiskey and coke (or glass of wine, if I ever get that classy) and be a Responsible Adult.

This week, I also spent a lot of time thinking about my job and My Career and what I need to be doing to move forward. More Very Serious Stuff. I even talked to a financial adviser about trading stock.

WHAT.

When I have kids, I'm going to tell them its very very hard to grow up. I don;t think enough people say that. It's very very hard to take responsibility for things and do the right thing and stuff. (Then again, I'm terrified of the process of creating another human inside me so that is still a LONG WAY OFF, if it ever happens. (It'll happen.))

I feel way too young to be serious. I want to be stupid and irresponsible some more. Just a few more years.

Promised pictures of the PYTHON

2009-12-08T10:35:00.007-05:00

This is me at a house party holding Monty, the python from Maine. Our host took Monty home after her uncle couldn't care for her anymore, explaining that, of her family, herself and her 18 year old cousin were the only ones interested in taking care of a snake.

Make that me and CW. It wasn't long after this photo was taken I demand he buy a python, to which he replied abso-fucking-lutely.

The next day, I slightly regretted that decision since, if i need to choose between a cat and a python, I think I'd want a kitty.

(Our host also had an adorable black and white cat with medium length fur that I wanted to take home with me, but she was very shy and preferred her perch on the window seat. We left that party still madly in love with our darling Maddie, but crazy about getting some more animals.)

Here's CW holding Monty. After about half the party went to bed, he and I stayed up watching Mythbusters. He held her while our host cleaned up in the kitchen. Yeah, he's an expert snake-sitter.

Thanks to our buddy SW for the photos (via his Blackberry)!

What it takes to get paid $90k/yr

2009-12-08T10:25:00.003-05:00

- Not knowing how to spell camaraderie, or, at the very least, not being able to type it into Google and FIGURE IT OUT BY YOURSELF. You know, like they taught you in grade school to look it up. Any fourth grader could get paid 90k per year.

- Not knowing that when making a plural word, like nurses, possessive, you add an apostrophe after the word and don't add another s. So it looks like nurses'.

I mean, I'm not a whiz at grammar by any means (without the spell check feature in Firefox this blog would be a mess), but SERIOUSLY. Or as my friend AG likes to say, for fucking real?

Did I mention that I work at a publishing company? As in, the person I'm describing is an EDITOR?

- Throwing a temper tantrum because you can't figure out how to turn off the comments in Word's Track Changes mode. Or figure out how to just get through making changes to a document using the comments because, you know, that probably will take you 20 more minutes than if the document didn't have comments. And by temper tantrum, I mean screaming, BANGING ON YOUR DESK, and more screaming. And then bitching out the client who sent the document on the phone. Excellent customer service. Defiantely worth $90k a year.

Did I mention $90k? As in THREE TIMES what I make?

Clearly I need to do more swearing, bang more stuff, and be more stupid.

I'm Badass Too

2009-12-07T21:47:00.002-05:00

Speaking of badass, coming soon are some fabulous pictures of my holding a PYTHON (with a little help from my good buddy Jack Daniels). Yeah, a 15 yr old, female PYTHON with teeth, a forked tongue, even anal spurs (which I didn't know pythons had). I was holding her by myself, no less.

I will get the photographic proof for you doubters forthwith.

Pandas...

2009-12-07T21:44:00.002-05:00

...are my favorite animal. Or at least have been my whole life thus far. Now, I think owls are sort of taking over. And its a good thing too, because Sigourney Weaver on Planet Earth just told me that bamboo, the only thing pandas eat, has so little nutritional value, its impossible for them to store up any fat over the winter. So they have to eat constantly.

Did I mention this is only thing pandas eat?

That's like all I ate were tomatos, but my body didn't get enough nutrients from them to have sex, so I had binge on tomatos for two days straight before trying to reproduce...and even then it might not even work.

Well, sort of like that. But you get my point: how did pandas survive this long?

I guess when humans can't get into your habitat, it isn't so hard to just eat all day every day. Rather than, you know, develop fighting or fleeing techniques, or something a little more useful.

Pandas are cute, but owls are way more badass.

THANK GOD

2009-12-02T18:13:00.002-05:00

CW is finally wearing his lumberjack shirt. THE HOTTEST SHIRT EVER. And by hot I mean red, plaid, flannel and awesome.

The only problem is his boots are missing. "Lumberjack's don't wear shoes," he says. Hmmm. Maybe we'll save the flannel for later.

My boss...

2009-12-02T18:11:00.004-05:00

...will sometimes call out across our open office and announce she's going to be napping for the rest of the afternoon, like that's funny. Yeah, fucking hilarious: my boss ditching her work and making us pick up the slack. OH WAIT THAT ALREADY HAPPENS.

She doesn't really nap of course, she just thinks its funny to talk about how much she wants to slack off.

What really pisses me off is when she comes back from somewhere and asks "Why isn't anyone else napping??"

Oh, I don't know, maybe because I have TOO MUCH FUCKING WORK.

I made it to the gym!

2009-12-01T18:53:00.002-05:00

My goal was to start going to the gym three times a week as of December 1st and I MADE IT. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT. I myself cannot, except I was there. 30 minutes, baby, that's all it takes!

What motivates you to go to the gym? For me, it's a simple thought: once you go, you'll be glad you're there.

Pissed off Monday

2009-11-30T19:04:00.005-05:00

Thing that pisses me off: Being a nice person and getting taken advantage of.

Some will say anger is childish and immature. An adult will take a deep breath and move forward, letting go of the anger and move forward constructively.

Fuck that, I say. Anger is a healthy emotion that ought to be expressed. You can't move forward until you've allowed yourself to feel an emotion. For me, doing so frequently requires storming around my house slamming doors, punching stuff, and making a loud noise close to URRRARRRGH!

I also use strong, creative language like fucktard. That's one of my favorites.

But that's in private. With others, I tend to avoid confrontation and then justify doing so by saying I only like to politely address an issue with someone when it threatens to be a long term problem. In that situation, the key is avoiding The Snap. I don't want to retort to a completely oblivious comment with a nasty comment, since that smacks of passive aggressive, another Thing that Pisses Me Off. Luckily, I'm pretty good at doing so. Except, sometimes, when my mother is concerned. My trick is to speak slowly and focus on breathing.

On the other hand, who wants to smile and make nice when inside you're seething. That is being a Phony, another behavior that Pisses Me Off.

What's the balance? Usually I allow space between myself and who's every Pissed Me Off; I need some time to cool down and move forward; no more than a day or so usually. Then my first encounter is typically a little strained, but whatever I liked in the first place about the person who pissed me off generally comes to the surface quickly and the whole thing is water under the bridge.

Not that I forget. People only get so many freebies.

Update

2009-11-28T19:55:00.003-05:00

Went to the reuion and had a good time thanks to one friendly fellow and a good friend backing me up. Oh, and CW dipping me for a smooch was a great confidence booster too. I think I'm good as far as reunions go.

Five Year Reunion

2009-11-27T09:42:00.003-05:00

I'm going to my first high school reunion tonight. My parents think its weird I've already been out for five years. CW says there will only be unpleasant drama and that we shouldn't go. If this rain keeps up I will be doubly convinced of the same. Should we drive in and be able to leave whenever we like, but need to pay for parking? Or do we take the train in and just get drunk? Problem is, I can't spend any money this month. That at least $10 for parking, or I think $12/round trip ticket on the train. There isn't a cover, but you pay for what you eat and drink: at least $4 per beer, then maybe $10 for an app? So like $25-$30 for the night. To most people, perfectly reasonable. When you have $20 dollars in your checking account, it's not.

Now I'm thinking as I write.

Do I too frequently make decisions based on how much an event will cost? I don't think so. I think I'm rational, logical, and analytical. It's a matter of pros and cons. How much is it worth it to me to be at this event? What are my responsibilities? What will I get out of this event? What else could I spend that $30 on and would that be more worthwhile? Probably especially so if I don't spend that $30 at all.

We'll see.

Homosexuality

2009-11-26T10:01:00.003-05:00

I've armed myself with a new analogy as CW and I head to My Parent's House for Thanksgiving: homosexuality is like being a fan of Thai food. Not everyone likes meat and potatoes, and not everyone likes Thai. But those that do enjoy it. If someone liked Thai food, they wouldn't make you eat it if you only liked Mexican. Or meat and potatoes for that matter. So why make them eat meat and potatoes?

Brilliant, I know!

Picture of the Day

2009-11-26T09:59:00.005-05:00

This is a dog that knows how to relax. She is best for the camera this way (read: when she's on my bed, preferably sleeping on my legs.) This time, she had commandeered CW's pillow when he got in the shower.

On Second Thought

2009-11-26T09:56:00.001-05:00

I will not aim to make my bed every morning. A) CW always gets up later than I and, after I've started my day, I don't feel like going back upstairs and cleaning up after him. B) I like the look of a pleasantly disheveled bed in the morning.

Thanksgiving

2009-11-26T08:56:00.002-05:00

Do you think it's human nature to want to organize concepts into single days? Everyone should remember to be thankful every day for what they have; they say it's good for your overall wellness and in creating a more positive outlook. (Everyone could benefit from that: I was honked at, ON THANKSGIVING, for stopping at STOP SIGN at a four-way intersection. Cool your jets, buddy.) But instead, we have this one day where we talk about being thankful. And the history of the day itself is more tragic and ugly than a gathering of friends and food.

I wonder

2009-11-26T08:52:00.003-05:00

What the Parson's neighborhood think of me: every day, 630am, barely awake and in pjs following two LOUD dogs around the yard.

Goals I Will Actually Accomplish

2009-11-25T16:54:00.003-05:00

1) Make my bed every morning. The idea being that it's nice to go upstairs in the evening and cuddle under a tucked in blanket. And it gives a sense of formality and readiness to my day; too often, I roll out of bed and run out the door.

2) That being said, I want to party harder. There are only so many years when it's acceptable to starting drinking at 12noon on a Saturday or take swigs from a flask of Jack Daniels.

3) Read more. See the post below. I love books. I don't know why I sit in front of the TV for four hours every day but can't be bothered to read more than a page at a time. Oh wait, the TV thinks for me. I remember.

4) Plant flowers and other plants. Everywhere I can.

5) Write to people more often.

There. Let's not get too ambitious here.

Books

2009-11-25T16:49:00.005-05:00

Most fun to read: Christopher Moore's Lamb:The Gospel According to Biff
Most interesting: Richard Layard's Happiness
I learned the most from: Steven King's On Writing
Hardest: Stuart A. Kauffman's Reinventing the Sacred

Reading right now: Michael Dobbs' One Minute to Midnight

I wonder

2009-11-25T16:36:00.003-05:00

What Maddie thinks about. That's here, pondering the world, from the porch of CW's cabin in Maine. That was Labor Day, remember? Back when there was sun? And green living things? Shouldn't complain though: it's only just become chilly enough for scarves and hats and I'm excited: scarves are sexy.

Regardless of the season, I'm curious.

I wonder

2009-11-25T16:18:00.001-05:00

Why there are so many moths in Beverly, MA right now. Every night there must be thousands fluttering around my parking lot. Can you kill moths as you drive through a cloud of them?

The way moths feel when they flutter against my skin or bump into my head and get stuck in my hair is TERRIFYING.